Thanks for your thoughts.

I find it hard to live for today when I am so frustrated with my situation. I am not where I thought I would be .

I feel knotted inside and confused .

In order to stop the pain of loving someone who does not seem to love in return , I have to start shutting the feelings down. This makes me look back at what I have given up. Did I do the right thing ? How do I know ?

When I felt like your W, I would of believed anything anyone said to me that justified what I did. Anything that made me feel less responsible and anything thAT made me feel I had no other choice but to find some love somewhere else .Hence your wifes abuse claim and holding on to anything anyone tells her that makes her feel better. You may SirPrizeMe have many working against you.

I still have things my (our ) MC said to me in the early days clearly in my mind and ALTHOUGH I know that I was responsible for the A and I know it was wrong I cannot shake those inital comments that made me feel I had the green light. Poor me with a H that worked long hours etc etc

It is only when H admitted that he needed a wake up call, do those beliefs ( Ok to have the affair ) weaken. Trouble for me is that in the past 3 years he has retracted those statements. He is no longer responsible one little bit for our bad M. I was just selfish and horrible. Does me no good.

What i am trying to say is Have you made it clear to W (when you are allowed to speak ) that

1. You understand what made her have an A
2. Your sorry she felt that she had to make that choice.
3. Believe that it was state of M that enabled her to respond to Om advances.
4.You understand that the A was not about you , but just a sympton of how she was feeling. You do not take it as personal attack.
5. That the M is worth fighting for. Love can be rekindled.
6. That you will never speak of A or Om again .

Your W has to feel safe and she has to really believe above and although you have conditions yourself , above are some conditions that make her feel ok.

just some thoughts. I know i would need all of above. I could take full responsibility for M breakdown but i think it would eventually choke me.