Positive developments?

[MichelleLT]

ROTF LMAO

That's awesome

[jon2911]

Wow, I'm starting to feel guilty for wishing a hurricane on Houston. They chose to live there though...

[jon2911]

Dangit, W's getting pissy.

She just texted a mutual college friend of ours "if you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me". He texted to let me know, and W called to let me know.

I acted nonchalant, told her I'd tell him the same thing. I also mentioned that my friend's wife (she and W talked a lot earlier in the separation) had asked for her number. "Why didn't you give it to her?" W asked. I told her I wanted to ask her first.

What the crap? W has cut herself off from most of her friends, especially those that disagree with the D, and now she's pissed at me about it? Maybe she's waking up a little and starting to realize what she's done to everyone...

[jon2911]

Help!

W is trying to go to a ranch near Houston today, her grandparents will be staying there for a month or more. Port Arthur was hit extremely hard.

From what I'm reading, it's still not a good time to head that way. No gas on the highway, etc. Her grandparents probably won't make it there anyway, and the power might be out.

Just got this text:
"Unless you can come up with a job I can do that'll pay $300 then I really need to get on the road"

I know W's hard up financially, and I do have some things for her to do, but I don't want to feel like I'm paying her to stay in town. Awkward. Any thoughts?

[MichelleLT]

She's an adult. She needs to feel like an adult.

Be understanding of that. Regardless of whether you think it is a good idea or not, you don't actually have any control over whether she goes or not.

You can reply that you do have work if she wants/needs it. Or if that's too awkward, then let her go.

Keep in mind 2 things (hard to tell over text) she could be looking for excuses to stay, or she could be testing you to see if you want her to stay.

What do you think is going on under the surface?

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle,

Under the surface is this: she consolidated her debt into a single Credit Union loan, but mistakenly set the auto-pay to our old, joint account. We don't keep any money in there, and only use it to transfer back and forth. An NSF charge came through last week, and I went and got a copy of the check: $760 from W to credit union.

So now, she has an NSF charge from bank, a returned check fee, and maybe a higher interest rate from Credit Union, and still needs to cover the bill. Reality!

I was wondering how W was paying her rent, credit union bill, etc. I guess she wasn't. Also, her grandparents are doing really poorly and need her help. They're supposedly making the trip today from Shreveport, Lousiana to their ranch near Houston. Their home in Port Arthur won't be inhabitable for a while.

The hurricane and financial troubles have been very emotionally tough on W. After a couple more calls, I'm helping her out a bit, in exchange for some help around my house and selling some of my stuff on Ebay. I like this, because it makes W feel valuable at something she's good at.

Interesting conversation over the weekend, after she spent the day picking at me over some details around the house. I had all of 5 hours warning that she was coming, and didn't get the place completely clean.

Me: I don't want to be a guy who lets things go. I'm sorry that you had to see that.
W (softening a bit): I'm not perfect either.
Me: Well, you're pretty close
W: Don't be silly
Me: I'm serious, especially with stuff around the house

W started to cry, and said "it's like I'm the perfect housewife, but I don't have a house, and I don't want to be a wife"

What a statement. So, for the next couple days, she'll get a chance And her grandparents are extremely rich, so I'm sure they'll help her out in exchange for taking care of them for a while. She's very not excited about that, but doesn't really have a choice.

More drama, supposedly her landlord got arrested in Houston, posted bond and is staying at her place after the hurricane. Who knows what's really going on there, but the guy's definitely no good.

[jon2911]

Dangit,
W's aunt just called, she's caring for the grandparents alone because W's uncle had to stay at a refinery. W's grandpa is doing very poorly, so they're putting him in the hospital in College Station and need W's help tonight.

Why did they try and move him that far? I was looking at a map today, and it's a long way. They've only made it halfway so far.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&saddr=sh...ie=UTF8&t=h&z=8

This sucks. I hope he's OK, and was looking forward to hanging out with her again tonight. She was already wheeling and dealing on Craigslist, has a couple takers. Oh well, nothing I can do now.

[MichelleLT]

Well, if they need her help, they need her help. And I'm sure she'll appreciated being needed.

And she'll appreciate your support.

[jon2911]

And she'll appreciate your support.

Yeah, that's what's so tough. I asked her to keep in touch, and helped her get directions as they changed cities again.

I didn't expect this to hurt so bad today. I wish she'd quit lying to her family, as I'm sure they can guess we've been spending time together. Even if I'm just an ex, people help each other in times like these.

My nickname for her in college was Miss Independent, and she drives me nuts sometimes

[jon2911]

GREAT talk last night. I tend to start over analyzing and beating myself up when she leaves. I think there were many positives to the visit. Just always scared that it will be the last.