Been really busy! I don't have much time to update or check in on people's threads right now, I will try to later in the week, but quick and dirty--I'm pretty sure that my H has a chemical imbalance now (the dopamine stuff I referred to before). I found more, really compelling evidence (physical symptoms, not just psychological or sexual) and I'm trying to get him to go see a doctor about it, specifically a neurologist. I know it's anti-DB, but I don't really care because I think his health might be seriously at risk. As in, permanent disability.
Does anyone know any resources where I could talk to a neurologist directly about it? Anyone here a neurologist? My lame insurance company won't let me make an appointment with one unless my H first goes to his primary care doc. I have no idea if I will actually be able to get him to a doctor.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Update: My FIL is out of the hospital, and seems to be doing OK, so that's good.
So, there's no doctor in the house, huh?
I guess you could classify me as busy and frustrated right now. Busy doing lots of things I don't even necessarily want to do (like get dragged from bar to bar by my friends). Frustrated about not being able to talk to a doctor about my H. Frustrated that I can't get in touch with my H about this, despite trying after I knew his dad was out of the hospital and in the clear (H texted me). Frustrated that I didn't figure out this stuff long ago. Frustrated that I have no time to really offer support here as much as I would like. I do spend some time reading, but have nothing of substance to offer I feel like. Did I mention frustrated sexually? Oh yeah, that too.
Blech, enough with the whining. I need to manifest some damn patience.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Your insurance system seems too complicated for me! Over here it's just long National Health Service waiting lists or pay to go private and be seen instantly! I hope that he gets the treatment he needs.
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Frustrated that I didn't figure out this stuff long ago. Frustrated that I have no time to really offer support here as much as I would like. I do spend some time reading, but have nothing of substance to offer I feel like. Did I mention frustrated sexually? Oh yeah, that too.
I empathise with all of this!
Is there anything we can do to help? Goal brain-storming over here too?
The horrible thing about not being able to discuss this with a doctor is that I can't get expert confirmation, which is the only way I think H will listen to me. I don't believe I'm grasping at straws, even though I know all of us here have a tendency to do that--H has a vast majority of the physical, psychological, and sexual symptoms of dopamine depletion, including physical symptoms that can only be caused by dopamine depletion and can only be treated with dopaminergic treatments.
I didn't realize this until I found a medical article discussing physical symptoms of dopamine depletion and nearly all of them described H to a tee--random symptoms that neither of us or any doctor had ever seen were related to each other!!!!
Arghhhhh. How could I have been SO BLIND?
This theory ties together literally ALL of H's ongoing and more recently acute problems. It doesn't discount his family history or our history at all--it gives it all a baseline of explanation.
I HATE our insurance system.
I may just pony up the cash to see a neurologist outside my network. I can't afford it, but I don't know what else to do!
I don't know how to goal-set right now. I feel like punching a hole through the wall. (As if I were strong enough!)
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Alright, I just left messages at 3 different neurology/neuropsychology offices (does no one answer their phones?!) asking for at least a phone consultation with one of their doctors, and to please have mercy because it's not covered under my insurance. It calmed me so much just to be proactive. One of them is considered one of the best hospitals for neurology in the country, so I got that going for me.
I will let you all know what happens. For now, I have to go busy myself with more things I don't feel like doing. Sweet!
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Sorry no docs on here for you are there any free health clinics in your area, I am sure that neurology is too specialized for that, but in some ways a doc a doc and maybe they could point in you a better direction.
I think that this is very interesting what you are on too here. you know him better then anyone and you could be spot on, I just want to raise two points to you. kind of devils advocate if you will. keep in mind i am not trying to push you in any direction only make you think about all directions.
one: are you a "fix it addict" like myself and many of us here. that does not mean that he does not have this problem and it is the cause of most of his issues, but is it to a point that only he can really deal with it. I struggle with my W depression the same way. it is painfully obvious and even docs have agreed hands down with me but I still can not make her seek help, she will have to do that in her own time.
second: "How could I have been so BLIND" is this frustration or are you blaming yourself. I could understand both but I hope you don't blame yourself. I had 11 years with hugely obvious signs of her depression before I could admit it, but that is not my fault, I would probably crumble if i tried to take that all onto my shoulders. just because we look at things in a different light then we did before does not mean that we were wrong for not seeing them before. even if you missed the biggest signs in the world you did not make him that way so don't take any blame for it.
Just something to think over, but let us know if you come up with a way to speak to a doc because i think it would be great info and could really help at least with accepting why he is the way he is.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Update: A nurse just called me back from the hospital. He was very nice, and actually gave me good info & advice. I told him a little about H's symptoms. He told me that my H needs to go see someone who is very specialized, with both psychiatric and neurological board certification. He gave me a name and number for one such doctor. He also told me that I should do what I could to convince my husband to go without pushing him to go, because if I go, any doctor worth his or her salt is going to listen to me, smile, basically pat me on the head, and then tell me to have my H make an appointment with them. Docs don't take the word of the spouse, which makes sense.
He also told me that men especially have a VERY hard time admitting something is wrong, and to just play it cool. This, I know!
JWS, you are so right on all points. I am a fix-it addict. But I also have an undergraduate degree in psychology and feel like I SHOULD have seen this before. I couldn't connect the dots because I blamed myself too much. Now, I blame myself for blaming myself. Ridiculous!
I also think it took me 5.5 months to really listen to the crazy things coming out of his mouth with detachment. To look at his behavior with detachment. And be able to say--this person is not well, hasn't been well for a long time, and has gotten worse. And then consider why like someone outside the situation would.
I'm gonna follow the nurse's advice when I talk to H. I won't push. And I know exactly what he's looking for in a solution--a magic bullet. And I think I can present this--honestly--as possibly a magic bullet for him.
And then the ball is in his court.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
are there any free health clinics in your area, I am sure that neurology is too specialized for that, but in some ways a doc a doc and maybe they could point in you a better direction.