Thank you Jeff! I like to be positive, no matter what is thrown at me, because I really do believe it is all for a reason. Although this who scenario is a pain, there is a reson for it.
Anyway, I am at lunch now, so...
H came over Tuesday. I made dinner, but by the time he got there, he had already eaten. He said that he did not eat the night before, so around 4 p.m. he was starving and needed to eat. I told him that was fine. This was probably a small test to see if I would flip out or not. I didn't. I will just be having chicken for dinner for the next two nights!!!
Anyway, we were supposed to call and do the credit counseling certificate, but then we found out we could do it online, so we are going to do it that way. My internet is still down, so I will do that from work either today or tomorrow.
We really just visited for a little over an hour. Talked about work, life in general, and about the D's. H brought over the new prescription card, and with that I said there was only one med I was really worried about which is my AD, that I stopped taking the sleeping meds. I mentioned that I took vitamins in the morning, and he cracked a joke about me getting old (something we used to do because I am five years older than he is). It was hysterical. He also told me a joke about the FBI th at he said he wanted to forward to my dad, (retired FBI) but did not have his email address anymore. So then he started talking about how people at work hated him. I told him I highly doubted that, but if it made him feel better, there were people who hated me too. He said at work? I said no, and that I was not sure about whether I wanted to tell him or not, because I did not want him to stop talking to me again (I was not whiny, just laughing and matter of fact when I said this). He said it must be XH. I said no I don't really care what XH thinks these days. Then I mentioned the "emotional vampire" who is D21, and he laughed and said it must be D21. I said yes, so if you don't want to hear it we can skip that conversation. He said no its okay. Go ahead.
Posting this...will type more momentarily.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So I told H about the accident over the weekend, and that D21 had wanted to call G-pa for money, and I called him first and told him not to give it to her. I talked about how I have really not spoken to D21 and let her know that I was very angry with her for her actions toward H and me. He took it all in stride, and just listened. He stayed for about an hour and fifteen minutes, and we joked around a little more. He left and gave me a hug.
Yesterday, obviously was very emotional day, but he drove me to work. I was upset in the car, and apologized for this mess, and told him he would have been better off if he had never met me. He looked at me and said you know thats not true. Then he said his problem was he had a hard time saying no. I didn't ask what that meant, just let it go. When he got out of the car to pick me up, he came right over and gave me a hug. When I got out of the car at work, he leaned over with his cheek to me, but I just gave him another hug.
He confirmed w/ me last night that he would drive me again to work this morning. Driving me this morning was supposed to be contingent upon his going right into the office because we both work d/t. He picked me up, and we chit chatted on the way about work. Then he really surprised me by telling me something about one of his cases that has a gag order on it. He told me that he really was not supposed to tell me and I reassured him that I would not say anything. Trust has a nice ring to it!
When I got out of the car this morning, he went to give me a hug and turned his cheek towards me again, so this time I kissed him on the cheek, and he held on to me just a little longer (not much, few seconds) and said he would talk to me later.
So here I am now. I don't want to read too much into this, but for the first time in a while, I feel good about the direction we are starting to go into. I have a glimmer that maybe...just maybe...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It's way to early to get too excited, of course! But, sometimes I think that bad stuff helps to bring us together. The car was a kick in the stocmach, but perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. A little positive interaction is certainly a good thing!
Lola I think it sounds very positive :). A kiss on the cheek, the way he is opening up to you, the things that you are talking about...
I feel like something bigger is going to happen very soon!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I do too, but I am trying really hard to keep it in check. I am not going to rush anything, and just let it flow the way it is supposed to. I attribute the "flow" to faith, and knowing that there is something greater than me at work here, and I have to let it work. I also meant to say that H was not going right into the office today, in fact, he was going back to the east side of the city, which is where we both live. So regardless of the fact that he was not going to the office, he picked me up anyway and drove me to work...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Oh and just got a call from D23. D21 hates me and will never speak to me again.
Why doesn't that surprise me???
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I'd say that he probably feels some responsibity for the car. And, being a guy, he likes to "fix" things. On top of that, you are making it comfortable for him to be around you. I'm thinking that amy one of those things might not be enough, the three together and you get to see him every day!
Guess I don't need to drive to El Paso this weekend to get you out of a funk!
I can live with the need to fix things. I think now, looking back, that may have been one of our issues. I am a fixer too, and I have to sit back and allow him to do some of the fixing...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hmmmmm, a female fixer. That might lead to conflict, if both of you don't recognize it. Though I think it would work out really great, if you both understood it!
