As much as I am a whiner, and as much as I am impatient. There are so many little things that have happened since Retro.
1. Before - I would say something to W and she would just say "Ya" of "oh really" or ok. EVEN if she did not really hear what I said. NOW she says "what?" she wants to hear what I am saying. 2. Before - When she was telling son something about anything she would just include her in the decision. NOW she includes me or in talking it's "You dad and I" 3. At Retro she told them that she HATES writing down stuff for dialogue. Her feeling doesn’t come freely into words. BUT she said she does it. (With a smile I might add) for ME. Because she knows I enjoy it. 4. Before when I wanted to do something (Like Dialogue) and W did not want to I would get upset. NOW I give and take. As much as I want to I can let her have a few days off from it. 5. Before W was Soooo stressed about her unemployment. She would apply to places and never share her feelings. NOW She tells me about her applications and vents her frustrations. 6. Before if I wanted to "go on a date" Wife would say "YOU get the sitter", "YOU make the reservations" and now (we have not gone yet) but she is planning this "date". 7. Before Wife would go shopping and later on I would see something and ask her where she got it or just asks about it. NOW when W finds something "neat" she shares it with me.
There are many more things but they are so small that you take them for granted until you think about them. And Most of the changes are not "thought out" they just kind of happen. Now her starting to eat dinner at the dinner table with me she had to "make herself do it" at first. But now it seems so natural... Yes she / we still have issues we need to work on. Some like our sleeping arraignments we need to work on together. Others like my still not letting go if wanting to slap the OM around I NEED TO WORK ON. She is her self esteem. We can both help each other with these but it boils down to really being our own demon...
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
[/quote]3. At Retro she told them that she HATES writing down stuff for dialogue. Her feeling doesn’t come freely into words. BUT she said she does it. (With a smile I might add) for ME. Because she knows I enjoy it.[quote]
Doc,
This is where H and I would both be if we went to Retro. Me only because I have gone so long without talking about things because H won't and H because he doesn't talk feelings.
You and your W have come so far, Leaps and Bounds far! You are right it is hard to see the small positives sometimes but , I do look. H is showing me affection at home where before the bomb he wouldn't even look to me. He is including me more. He holds me at night most everynight. Takes me out once in a while. He told me last night he appreciated me.(after I told him thanks for putting the dishes in the washer and taking me and MIL to dinner that I apprecaite it).
A work in progress and I hope to be able to include more positives soon.
Have to shake things up.
Oh and by the way I think it wouldn't be good to slap OM around so WORK on it.
What does your W do for work if I may ask?
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
She is a computer programmer / Data processor. I guess. She has a bachelor’s degree in computer science. Before she lost her job she would write programs for collecting and processing Date.
She is an ANALITICAL......
Me... I don't analyze everything...I Just do it....
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Oh and by the way I think it wouldn't be good to slap OM around so WORK on it.
JAK
YES I am. I don't check up on him any more. there is no need. BUT I can not promiss what would happen if he ever came into town. lucky for me he lives in another state..
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
H asked me what the Retro info. was last night was about.I asked him if he read it and he said he just looked at the part I circled(the part about not having to talk to anyone). I told him it was info that I received and I thought it could help us. He didn't say anything else.
This morning before he left for work he took it with him! Also told me ILY . I will act as if for now on the retro.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
GREAT.... I know it is a hard decision for our spouses. BUT assure him you only use first names there and there is nothing personal about your situations discussed unless you offer it. Also if possible the only recommendation I have is if you can take the Monday off after that first weekend DO IT. You will not believe the Emotions and stress relieved that first weekend. (You might not want to tell him this because it might make him nervous. And if nothing else it DOES OPEN UP COMUNICATION... I can guarantee you that you will learn things about your husband that you never new. You will learn things that maybe you thought was no big deal that really was to him. And he will learn allot about you. My wife and I have lived together for 20 years and things that I did 11 yrs ago affected her attitude. We went in July and have come so far. We are not there yet but it is 100% better now. (I'm shooting for 110 %) IF you have any Questions PLEASE ask … Good luck Jak58...
P.S start looking at the dates, At least in this area they don't have them very offten.like every 6 months so if ya miss the next one you might have to wait.
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Wow. He sounds interested in the Retro. I hope he goes.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
