Whether you decide to divorce her or not divorce her, she will still have you watching the kids and her going out. The only difference will be that your not legally married, but what are you now? Not married in any real sense of the word. So what difference will it make? And even if divorced I suspect she'd still be nice when it suited her to get what she wanted.
So, how about rather than truly push for a D, that you do get your ducks in a row legally, but don't push the button. You just proceed as though you are divorced. Go as dark as possible with her, focus on you and your children, and basically try to make life as fulfilling as possible under the assumption that you are divorced. It may help because you will stop having expectations of her...divorced people can't expect much of their XS except for child related things. One of the daughters is just her though, right? I really don't know what to say about that because she's still with you, and I know you want that. But what will happen if you are truly divorced? She'll have to go to her mom.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
