New Thread, new life, new happiness

[HopefultotheEnd]

Thanks dan. I've been having a rough few days.
I feel pressure from all sides and I I want to do something about it except that all of the options I come up with are no good...

I am recently bothered anew by W going out...And her spending, yet she hugged me last night saying when I hesitated, "It's alright you don't have to hug me, I'll just hug you." I hugged her back. I'm finding myself all of a sudden less detatched than ever. I tried telling myself that "I don't want her." and that helped but it leads me to thoughts of filing. Either way I think I'm going to go in to another consult with a L.

Last night all I could think about was how this sitch was wrong for me and that I needed to start the process. Not because I've given up, on the contrary I think that nothing will or can change untill there are some consequences for my W.

She gets to still be married, has her children very well taken care of by me, Gets to go out whenever she wants, sleep with whoever she wants, and call me whenever she needs something.

I've been in a similar place months ago and I chose to focus more on myself and my happiness and it worked. I became happier and more content. Plus I see what is either nothing or baby steps from her. Part pf me things those things I call baby steps from her are just born from convenience.

Where in the past I really wanted to contact her for affection...now I want to call her and confront her over all the evils she is pouring upon me. I won't let myself do that though and that's what hurts. So I may just have to pull up my bootstraps reevaluate some personal descisions I made long ago about how I wouldn't be the one to file and move forward. I think once we loose or sell the house, her car, and she has to take and care for her daughter on her own then changes can happen. Whatever else I'm still hopefull.

*edit* I'm not taking any actions untill I can digest my thoughts. I'm sure they will change in the next few minutes...