Sunday night in bed was a disaster. After waiting for a week I was begging, I felt so stupid. I spent the weekend doing things for her and we had a nice time Saturday at the concert with D. We even had drinks Sunday night and she did her shower before bed signal. Then we get in bed and all she wants to do is go to sleep. I finally get things going and for what?… Crappy chore sex, why even bother?
(1) Do not beg - EVER. You devalue yourself and you devalue sex. What is the difference between initiating and begging? Attitude. And yes, I know, its not easy sometimes, but the reality is that every time you beg you reinforce in her mind that sex is a chore. Read about DQ's fiance - he can take it or leave it. You need to be leading your wife towards the "sex = expression" door.
(2) "Doing things" for her or doing things for you? Were you doing them from an abundantly loving and happy heart or because you hoped it would lead to sex? Was it a covert contract?
(3) Did she ever say this was her "signal"?
Quote:
If we can't compromise on this frequency/quality issue I'm done. I have decided that I won't live like this any longer. The decision is now up to her. Either she truly wants me and wants to ML 1-2 times a week with passion or she doesn't. If she doesn't then I'm leaving. I want to be wanted by "the one" who loves me. If she chooses to be "the one" then great, if not we're through.
One word. Patience. Another word. Persistence. Another. Calmness.
I've read your most recent posts and can't really add much to what the others have already said.
You've actually made a lot of progress, I think. And now there's been some backsliding and you are getting frustrated (and angry?).
You have to remember that trying to recover this SSM is pushing your wife towards a furnace of self-discovery. You have to do it patiently, and persistently, and calmly... and with humour. If you lack those things she will stop or struggle or break free - because the furnace is a scary place.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
