OK just looking through your goals, and I'll add a bit, probably in the same vein as what others have already said. I would probably not focus on the piecing ones yet though unless you want to include baby steps that will show you are going in that direction. Of course I hope you get there soon, but it's better for the peace of mind to focus on short-term goals I've found! For example I have a "September goals" tab on an Excel sheet. There are larger goals, broken down into smaller baby-step goals that will show me I'm headed in the right direction. There are a lot that aren't accomplished, but many of them are. On the sheet I also include a column for the steps I will take toward the goal. Then at least when I take those steps, there is a mini-goal achieved. As an example, one of my goals this month was "H will start to be nice to me meaning that he will usually start emails/IMs with phrases like 'how are you'". What I was able to do toward that goal was to also be very nice in each interaction, though not overly so. This goal has been accomplished on both sides.
So looking at yours...
1. Let H initiate all contact--your goal here could simply be, stay dark until H reaches out.
2. Do not argue about anything during conversations--I think this is good, and if you feel this is a major problem, maybe a mini-goal for yourself around it could be, validate anger instead of reacting to it, or something like this
3. Validate whatever he says--this is good again
4. Compliment H when given the opportunity--I like this, are there specific ares in particular you should be focusing on? Can you work them into conversations as they happen?
5. H will contact more often (hopefully because of previous)--so he will contact more often based on the fact that you will let him set the pace of contact and that each contact will be pleasant?
6. We will see each other at least every other week--when do you want this to happen? What can you do toward making it happen? Will being unavailable for awhile make it more likely?
I even wrote down some long term goals for when we get to piecing. (Being extremely positive)
1. We will have date night at least twice a month (Just the two of us not including groups)--what would let you know that you are going in the direction where you would be moving toward date night? Perhaps it's dating in your current R, where you are still separated?
2. H will come over for dinner at least once a week--what could start this trend?
3. H will discuss finances and what each should be putting into the household in order for us to live together.--do you not feel you should be discussing finances at all?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
