Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[blindsided1]

Accepting something.. takes more effort than just knowing about it. This does take time. Sometimes it takes longer.. when you dwell on it every day. The hardest thing to explain is how to accept where you are in life.. and move forward. It seems impossible to do while you live it.. and so easy when you have gone thru it. It really does become a decision you make.. people make it on their own "timeframe".

This is so true. I know that once I am past this part of my life, I'll look back and think...I wasted a lot of time dwelling on HIS life and not on my own. It's hard to grieve the loss of your M. It hurts.

Right after I posted last. One of the guys at work was talking to me and said "are those your wedding rings? How do you ever plan on getting laid if you're flashing those around?" Getting laid is not my goal, but it was interesting that he mentioned the rings right after I posted about them. Hmmmm. A sign, maybe, that it might be time?

[Babygirl]

GOOD girl!! Take it as a sign, it made u smile, i am sure, and it made you think! and you know it felt good to hear it! I remember when I lost my hair, and felt so unatractive, I was talking to a female friend about it at her bbq, and some guy I dont know, said, hair is hair, it doesnt make you unattractive, then he winks and said hell I will do ya, give me a call! OMG talk about blushing and wanting to crawl in a hole and die lol! it felt good, its ok to feel good!
HUGS!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

well, I'm not for taking them off or leaving them, I left mine on the whole time. I was also living of faith that God would restore my M too and taking that ring off meant I wasn't living in that faith.

on the pics/videos. I think that is being a GOOD MOM when you do this. don't feel bad about it. it's a great thing to do. expecting a response for it is what's bad. next time just expect him to NOT respond. I still don't think what you said was that bad though. you said nice things about his daughter and himself. True, you didn't need to, but I don't think it was THAT bad.

[NikB]

(((B)))

Do what feels best for you.

For me.. I went through phases where it felt awful to take my rings off. The very last time I took them off it honestly felt empowering. But I took it a day at a time. They were in my jewelry box and EVERY DAY for awhile, I'd ask myself "Do I want to wear 'em today? No.. ok" for awhile. I got to a point where I hated them, they represented a "giant lie" to me. I went from Oct last year to July this year not wearing them... suddenly my mood shifted again in July and I liked them again, put them on.

If you think you want them off, try it for an hour and see how you feel.

Like ST I think SENDING the videos is good, just don't expect a reply.

[Startingover2]

Hope you are doing well today!!!

On the rings I guess you do what is right like someone said above. For me I waited awhile (maybe 6 months) then realized the D was happening whether I wanted it to or not and it was in my best interest to accept it in every way. Sure, I cried when I took them off because it symbolized sort of giving in. But after awhile I was ok with it and felt really good about myself...ME! That I wasn't clinging as much. It was a step to independence.

[blindsided1]

I go back and forth on the ring thing. I take them off for periods of time. Usually, when I am going to see H. I don't want to see pathetic. I feel okay about that. But, I usually just put them back on right after. I look at my empty left hand and it feels unnatural. I look at my left hand when my rings are on and it doesn't mean the same to me, anymore. They don't hold the weight that they used to. I DO NOT feel married to my H very often anymore. That makes me sad. But, in a way it makes me realize that I am moving forward.

So, out of the blue H calls last night and wants to come by and see D. I told him that she had already gone to sleep for the night. But, he could come if he wanted to. He did. He spent about an hour at the house. D slept the whole time. We talked about work and daughter and his parents and golf. It was fine. I was detached and more relaxed around him than usual. Must have been the beer I drank earlier. Maybe it calmed my nerves a bit. When he left, I walked him out. He lingered. He moved in for the hug, but it didn't happen and I didn't ask for it. I just let it go. He said he'd call me Sunday about taking K. I asked him if he would take her at noon this Sunday because I had plans. He asked what plans and I told him I was going to watch football for a while. But, I didn't tell him with who. He didn't ask. He seemed weird last night. Almost depressed. But, I think he was just tired from working in the sun all day. I was glad he came by to see his daughter. But, was it really his daughter he came to see? Hmmmm? Just kidding myself. I was happy with the way I handled myself and was calm and somewhat indifferent. Now, if I could just do that everytime.

[Babygirl]

Morning BS! it sounds like you handled it VERY well! You did it great this time, so the next time might be easier, and then the next time easier yet. I am proud of you for doing what you did!

About the rings, they are yours to do with what you want, when you feel like you can.
hugs my friend!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

{{{{{B}}}}}

No expectations, okay sweetie?

The rings are a difficult issue. Mine are still on. Well, all but my wedding wrap, as it is at the jewelry store for repair. However, I still wear my engagement ring and my anniversary band (the one H bought me for our most recent anniversary--and he was already sleeping with OW ). For me, taking them off would be a lie. I am married and my rings are my outward sign of my innermost feelings.

I love my husband and I believe in God's promises. My Lord comes first in my life, and he has made promises to his faithful servants. Psalms 91 is my promise of God's love and protection while I stand for my marriage.

You make your own choice. Do what makes you happy, not what makes your H happy, your friends, your parents. If you do take them off, though, keep them for Kendall. They are the symbol of the love her mommy and daddy shared.

SMW

[blindsided1]

No doubt that whatever I do, I will keep them for K.

I keep reminding myself "no expectations". I don't have any. I am planning the rest of my week.

Tonight - Seeing the in-laws
Friday - Dance with my daughter and make dinner for my family.
Saturday - Lunch with MIL and BBQ Trout that my In-laws caught up in Lee Vining. Spending the evening with in-laws at their RV site.
Sunday - breakfast with in-laws before they go back to Bullhead City (boo hoo), dropping K off with her Dad, FOOTBALL watching and mingling with friends

I'm good today, so far. Must keep it that way.

[Babygirl]

Sounds like you have it all planned out! maybe I should try that too, then I would know everyday what I have to look forward too, beside the joy of children lol! my only plans for the week, are my sons birthday today, and then football watching, sat and sunday lol.
I am glad you spend time with your inlaws, my MIL is my best friend.
We are here if you start to slip from that good day!
hugs!