Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[blindsided1]

I go back and forth on the ring thing. I take them off for periods of time. Usually, when I am going to see H. I don't want to see pathetic. I feel okay about that. But, I usually just put them back on right after. I look at my empty left hand and it feels unnatural. I look at my left hand when my rings are on and it doesn't mean the same to me, anymore. They don't hold the weight that they used to. I DO NOT feel married to my H very often anymore. That makes me sad. But, in a way it makes me realize that I am moving forward.

So, out of the blue H calls last night and wants to come by and see D. I told him that she had already gone to sleep for the night. But, he could come if he wanted to. He did. He spent about an hour at the house. D slept the whole time. We talked about work and daughter and his parents and golf. It was fine. I was detached and more relaxed around him than usual. Must have been the beer I drank earlier. Maybe it calmed my nerves a bit. When he left, I walked him out. He lingered. He moved in for the hug, but it didn't happen and I didn't ask for it. I just let it go. He said he'd call me Sunday about taking K. I asked him if he would take her at noon this Sunday because I had plans. He asked what plans and I told him I was going to watch football for a while. But, I didn't tell him with who. He didn't ask. He seemed weird last night. Almost depressed. But, I think he was just tired from working in the sun all day. I was glad he came by to see his daughter. But, was it really his daughter he came to see? Hmmmm? Just kidding myself. I was happy with the way I handled myself and was calm and somewhat indifferent. Now, if I could just do that everytime.