5 weeks remain til next chapter starts

[istherehope]

Thanks BH and S,

You are both absolutely right. I guess I do feel guilty as I did push a lot of trips. I do set the budget, but always ask for his input and ask him to change things he doesn't like. He had asked me to set the budget originally as he said he didn't have time with work and school and he felt that I didn't care about how busy he was. On my side I like this connectivity that we have on finances, as it is all that we have at the moment that he can handle. It's not pressuring (unless I talk about several months out), and we've never fought about finances. This is the closest we've ever had to a fight about money, and it was only via IM and diffused pretty quickly.

Anyway he IMd again while I was in a 2 hour meeting, a much nicer message just saying how he got the car battery fixed, and that he still hadn't heard on tuition, BUT he ended it, "ok going now,
hope you are doing well and all." Small things yes, but nice that he added that he hopes I am doing well. One of my goals for the month was for him to start being nice to me in emails and IMs, not that he was ever mean, just so short. This is improving.

I responded even though he was offline (no reference to the budget) just "ok thanks, dumb finances! Glad the battery is fixed, that rocks! You'll hear back on tuition soon, I'm sure. Enjoy your classes tonight. I can't wait to hear more about what you're taking." My goal here is to keep EVERYTHING light and happy. I still do look forward to the moment he finds out I was right about the tuition though, that he actually doesn't owe anything for last year. I will know this when he just doesn't bring it up again...:)

S, I love Jody's idea too, even though it scares me. I never would have thought of it on my own! I can just see the look on his face. He will not know what to do or say. I hope that she is right and that if I choose to say nothing, he will choose to say nothing. I don't think this is unhealthy if the R dynamic is actually better than it used to be...if I actually SHOW changes rather than having a conversation where we talk about the need for changes, and if I actually maintain a semi-separate existence rather than waiting for him to ask for more time apart. Maybe he'll finally be able to put the self-help books on the shelf and just start seeing how things go.

Thanks to you both for your great posts and for reading my endless threads...

ITH