Hi SC.. I thought about it after I read it, but knowing my H right now, it would be giving him ammunition to fight some more as he would just read it & tell me to turn it around & look in the mirror....
I guess I'm to the point where I'm done giving him things to read that I think would help him gain insight into him. He does not seem to act in a way that indicates he wants to do that.
Once I put my foot down about the no contact by phone rule and he finally realized I meant it. It has been a very very peaceful week. I chose when I would listen to his voice mails or read his emails, i chose when I would respond after I had time to think about it. That has given me such peace.
I have been very productive with my degree work & at work, keeping up with my grading (that is a major accomplishment) and just sent a 10 page paper off to a conference I'm attending the end of the month. I'm so proud of that.
I have decided I am not going to discuss my family of origin issues and my feelings about those in front of H today in Counseling. I will tell the counselor that as well and why. I'm not denying there are issues & they influence me in how I interact with H. in the R., but the counseling was for communication.
In some respects it has been very unhealthy for me to work the wheel of communication with H as it has given him my thoughts & feelings & wants that he then later ridicules, patronizes & just is out & out mean about, when he gets angry. Then he turns around & blames me for causing my own pain.. "if you hadn't pushed my buttons, I wouldn't have lost it"
I can choose not to share things with people who treat me like that. That is healthy choice for me.
I hope staying busy with school work, helps with the PMA & sense of pride you have in you.. you are amazing.
hugs Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
