It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

I am officially moving over here since I am not seperated anymore....here is what I updated my last thread with:




Well, thought a little update would be in order since we have passed the 3 month mark on August 10th.

I went to India for 2 weeks to see my husband and it was nice to get away from "real" life were no one knew and we could reconnect without kids and life things. We flew back together and it is weird having him home.

I find I can't settle....that's the only way to describe it. I think it's self protection...waiting for the other bomb to drop. He has given me no reason to feel that way and has behaved quite the opposite.

He is so scared I am going to kick him out or think the pain of healing from this is to much, or that I was to far gone from GAL and that I am not happy with him. We get along well...small bumps....usually kid issues

Big bumps:...ugh I hate living with the ghost of a third person. I am so tired of obsessing over this woman...sometimes it drives me crazy. I sometimes still have that disbelief that he did this.

It suprises me how unsafe I feel now. I always felt safe before and this has taken that away from now....that pisses me off.

It suprises me how much we both give to each other now and how we both really try to communicate our needs.

It suprises me that he chose me over her. (she's 10 yrs younger and no kid body)

It suprises me that he is back. Remember he was so in love with her? I know better now.

It suprise me that sometimes I feel like Plan B...she turned out to be the loose woman that I knew she was and he figured it out. Did he come home because he lost her....he says NO! He was thinking about coming home from the day he left. CRAZY!

It suprises me that I feel "closed in" by the closeness that we share. I love and crave it but sometimes I feel smothered by it.

It suprises me that I learned I could go on.

I suprises me that sometimes I feel he got off easy. I know he suffers because he share with me his feelings on this and I can see it in his eyes and soul.

It suprises me that sometimes I feel like making him suffer just to see if he will stay. (would never do it but it does cross the grey matter).

I write of these things to help vent and because, well this isn't an easy road to travel either. I am certainly so happy to be here, but I didn't think it was be such a brain jammer.

I still read most threads but haven't had time to reply much.

Addie...I am from AR originally where Lou started his great career! The best thing I did was set the boundaries, stop asking questions and GAL. Easier said than done, I know...I was so scared to do it. I thought it would push him further away as if he wasn't already out the door.
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Thread 1:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1439548

Thread 2:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1376409

Thread 3:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1521390&page=2#Post1521390

[Concerned_Listener]

Sandy,
You've described your thoughts/feelings very well.

I will track your thread and contribute when I think I can be helpful.

You will get some excellent support on the Piecing forum.

CL

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Sandy--

I just read through your threads and I have to say that I am really impressed with how you ahve handled yourself through everything. I look forward to following you through piecing, too!!

I see some(just a few) similarities between your sitch and mine. Hopefully mine ends the same way--in piecing!

SMW

[sandycay]

Sandy,
You've described your thoughts/feelings very well.

I will track your thread and contribute when I think I can be helpful.

You will get some excellent support on the Piecing forum.

CL

Thanks CL,

It certainly has its moments being here. Most of the time I am so happy and get suprised that it is not all the time. I would have sold my right arm just 4 months ago to have the chance. Maybe I'm the crazy one now.

I tried to get a "read" on your situation on your thread but was a little confused on a few items. It certainly seems as though you've been inching forward. You seem to really handle things well.

Thanks again,

Leah

[sandycay]

Well,

Today marks the 4th month of us committing to making this work. Four months ago he made that phone call to her to end it all. There have been no waivers from him and our communication is at an all time high.

It seems that I have moved past the stage where i was a few weeks ago...obsessing about OW. Now, it's still there and this is a process so patience is a virtue. We seem to be doing very well....we both agree, as does our marriage counselor. WE are actually going to go 6 weeks without seeing him if we can.

I am a little nervous as he just left to go out of the country for 3 1/2 weeks. He has done nothing to make me feel that way, I just do. In my heart, I know this should not happen again. But, the grey matter always seeps thru with it's wonderful negativity to shake me up a bit.

I sent him off in great DB style....instead of showing him how scared and upset I was....I sent him with a smile and all the love I could muster. He knew I was sad that he was leaving but I didn't make him feel guilty about having to go this time. Big 180 for me. I used to get envious about his frequent trips and me always left here....DUH he has to work to pay for all this.

I snuck a few cards in his suitcases for him and his favorite pair of t-backs that I wear....that'll make him chuckle. I have never done that before either.


I am still GAL. Training for the Seattle 1/2 marathon and other fun things. I will miss him and I will let him know it, but without the poor woes me attitude that got the marriage in the poor shape it was.

We have never been closer or intune to each other than now. Where was this marriage before? We certainly didn't always have a bad marriage but wow we certainly missed the boat for a few years. Glad we are on board TOGETHER now.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Glad to hear all of the positives Sandy. I read back through your threads to see how to DB and admire all you have done.

My H just left for 7 months and the biggest positive is that H cannot see the OW at all.

Hopefully he will do much thinking while he is gone.

SMW

[sandycay]

SMW,

I am currently catching up on your situation. I am up to Aug 1st. I will post on your thread once I am done reading it.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Sandy--

You are a brave woman with WAY too much time on your hands if you are reading all of my sitch!


I do appreciate you taking the time and will be interested to hear your perspective, too.

SMW

[sandycay]

I finished it ALL. It took two days of on and off reading though. I will post later as it's time to do the after school shuffle.

PS You are amazing!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Things still going well in your world?

I am seeing some positives and my fingers are crossed, but I still have a long time to go before H comes home next spring.

SMW