Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

Thanks Karen ans Donna for your kind words. I think in the case of my STBXH that he likes to play the role of nice guy. When we were in MC this subject came up time and time again, that he did things that did not make him happy just so people would like him. I think all of the "babysteps" that I saw where not an effort by him to stay connected, but an effort to be the nice guy. Yes, it is so easy to want to have those crumbs but I have gotten to a place where I want more than that.

I just want to share how I am detaching. Yesterday my S had a IC appointment. STBXH attends these with us and normally while S is in with the doc we sit in the waiting area and talk/joke. Last night, STBXH asked me questions about how I was doing. I said I was doing really well, thank you. THen he wanted to know if I had plans this weekend. I replied "Yep." and thats it. He said, "Well, um, ok then." I was smiling and upbeat, not mean or nasty but unwilling to let him in. When S went inot the office, I grabbed my stuff and said I had to go home to do some things and I would be out of the house by 6pm. STBX was going to take S to dinner then bookstore, but instead they showed up at 5pm while I was getting ready. As I was walking out the door, STBX told me at least 3x's how great I looked.....I thanked him but did not read anything into it. I actually did feel like I looked good!

After I got home from the concert (I had a blast and a smile on my face the entire time!!!!!) he asked all about it. I talked with him for about 2-3 minutes, said it was wonderful then thanked him for staying a little later. I then picked up my dog and started to walk outside. I left STBX to find his way out on his own. After he was gone I realized that I truly do not like this person he has chosen to become. This is helping me to let go. Sure, I miss the old him, but that man no longer exsist. I'm in the final stage of mourning the loss of that man and ready to just move on.

I dont read anything into his actions anymore. They are all about him and have nothing to do with having concern or care for me. He has an OW to build his ego, I am no longer going to play that part as well. I just have to stay strong on this course because it truly is what is best for my heart. I wish from the bottom of my soul that we could work on making our M work, but wishing does not get you anywhere. Like I have read many times before "Never ask for a wishbone where a backbone should be." I'm trying to build that backbone now because I need it and my S needs it.