Sandi is here and things are getting better!

[sandi2]

Dear On the Edge, I do understand more about how you feel than you may realize. This sort of "dance" that you and your W are doing with each other to avoid a fight, is somewhat normal under the circumstances. I would be the same way.....and if fact have been the same way to an extent b/c it is very difficult to come in all smiles acting like you are excited about life and trying to be the person that attracted your S. First, you are afraid that they will get the wrong idea and think you are wanting to be free of them and out on your own. Second, you are afraid that it will drive them to leave or file for D (if you are the LBS). My suggestions are that you ease into this "role" of changing a little more each day and not like it is an over-night "experience". Although, Michelle does describe this acting as if you have had an "awakening". That is how the almost WAS is to see it, but the LBS is so afraid of doing it. But, I certainly understand the feelings that you are having about the difficulty and how hard it is to just have "non-meaningful" conversations and can't even look at each other. That is not a good place to be.

What concerns me the most is your temptation to meet other women and possibly even ask them out. What you are really saying here is that you are wanting to have sex with some woman.....any woman, at this point, b/c your needs are not being met. I can understand that, but please be careful b/c the emotions and needs are dictating to you instead of your mind. If you were to do something like that......or go on and file for D in order to be free to go out with other women, what happens when you wake up one morning and realize that none of that brought the happiness and satisfaction that you were seeking? What you are wanting is to satisfy a need right now. You want so badly to be out from this awful stitch that you are in and it isn't happening fast enough. I also understand how the idea of starting fresh with another person seems a lot easier than trying to start over with the same person......remember I was there at one time.

I hope you will seriously think things through before you act out of emotion. I am not preaching to you b/c i want you to know that I have been there....only from a different angle than you. The temptation is very powerful once you cross that line. If you think you have M problems now, you don't know anything until that line is crossed. I hope you won't cheat, but even if you got D to be free......it would still hurt the R very badly. D is not always the end.....and especially to love, but it is very difficult to repair a R after there has been a D filed.

Anyway, I hope you will try to hang on. You know, if you are thinking alone the lines that you might as well go on and file for a D and be free to see other women, then why not give it one last shot and really give it you best to be that man she fell in love with? After all, if D is the next step, what do you have to lose? At least, you would know that you did all that you could humanly do. How about it? Do you think you have what it takes? You may think it would not work and that she doesn't want that, but you won't know for certain without trying. Then if it fails and she still wants out, you can say you did everything you could and won't be haunted by the thought, "If only I had tried this one last attempt, maybe it would have worked".