Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

Thank you Karen. The problem that I had with having hope was that it kept me locked into looking for signs, any sign, that said he was going to come home. It was when I began to have hope again that maybe things would work out that I lost the focus on myself and slid back into waiting for him. This is not healthy for me. I have to let go for myself. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is also necessary for my heart.

I do not hold anger or resentment against him. In fact, I think I finally understand him better than ever. I can see why he has made the decisions he has made, I just do not believe they are healthy or right. I can not and will not fix him. This is the path he chose and I have no place on it. So, I am dropping the rope, re-focusing on me, all the while still being very kind and pleasant to him. I believe that we all do the best we can with the hurt we carry. His actions come from a very scared and hurt soul trying to protect himself. I get it,I really do. And because I get it, it makes it easier for me to be kind and compassionate towards him. I am just not willing to be giving of myself to him anymore. Hope that makes sense.