Thank you for the compliment sg... But I'm afraid I haven't earned it yet... I have not ventured outside my comfort zone...
I have achieved every single goal I have set for myself. I documented it in this forum these past 5 years. Every single goal was an achievable goal - in the sense I believed I could do it. And I did whatever it took to get where I needed to go... I pushed myself - BUT I never really ventured outside of my own comfort zone... I never really risked failure...
The one goal I didn't achieve. The one thing I failed at in my life was my marriage. I became The Wife when I got married...and my marriage failed anyway.
Everytime I think beyond platonic R with a man - my mind fast forwards to all the reasons why it simply cannot work. I nip it in the bud before it even gets started.
And during my vacation - the people I talked to immediately saw through my R (avoidance) rules... As each R (avoidance) rule was challenged - I came up with a new one... I have a full-proof R (avoidance) flowchart.
I am not afraid of getting hurt. I got over The X - there is no pain. I am afraid of failing again. The rational part knows it takee two to make an R work. However The Block is there b/c I am a control freak and a perfectionist and simply do not believe I know how to make an non-platonic R with a man work... I failed once - a part of me is not ready to take the risk that I might fail again...
When I usually set a goal - I can see what I need to do to get where I want to go... With this R-business - I can't see the path...
Sigh...time to schedule an appointment with my C....
