Thanks again for checking in on me. It's kinda fun knowing I have a pack of girls just waiting for the details. Lol. So high school slumber party.
Ok diving in. . .
So we were texting back and forth all day and even on my drive down there we were still talking via text and I sent one telling him that I had just passed the exit that he lives off of on my way down to where we were going to meet up so he texts back and asks me to come pick him up. Not part of the plan! So I called and had to turn around and he was giving me directions over the phone because I never remember how to get anywhere and I got lost a little and we were kinda frustrated with each other. Not a great way to start I know. But I finally made it and we were fine. He got in the car and we drove to a park since we had a little over an hour to waste until the movie started. The park was really busy for some random reason and we ended up just sitting in the car talking for the whole hour. Which is nice because we got to do some R talking. I was basically asking about his meeting with his army sergent and whether or not any decisions had been made as far as his next steps and things are still pretty well up in the air. He really has no idea what is going to happen next. So it was not helpful but I decided to ask whether or not he thought I could go with him if he went away to training that was more than just a couple of months. He said he was not sure. He had not really thought about it. We talked about it a little bit and concensus is that he is still confused about us and thinks that things will go back to the way they were (us arguing constantly) and he does not want that to happen. We talked about the changes in our relationship and what is going on and he basically chalks it up to the fact that we do not see each other everyday and that is why we are happy now. In a way it is good that he admits to being happy now but at the same time I am getting peeved that he doesn't seem to believe that we can change things for the better and live together. I said that as long as we are going to counseling (apparently he is going to the session with me on Tuesday) and working on the relationship everyday we would be fine. He said that was part of the problem, that he wants something low maintenence. Which is kinda laughable because it's a MARRIAGE!!! Hello? Is this thing on? Marriage is hard, it will never be easy or "low maintenence." Rather than laughing him out of the car though I asked him what he meant and he said that he wants us to be happy together without having to put a lot of effort into it like fighting and arguing are "high maintenence" things. I said (for the millionth time) that we do not have to argue all the time and that I do not want a marriage where that is all we do either. We then talked about our lists from counseling and why my "boundaries" were not something he could live with. He said that he could do it he just doesn't want to because he wants to be "free." Still not sure what to do about that. He does admit that if we were happier he would not feel the need to go out as much and that if I was willing to do more things that he wanted to do that I would not be left alone as much. Which are both true but I tried to explain to him that it needs to be a two way street. For example he wants to go to this Renessaince (spelling? Fair. I have been adamatly against going to such a thing because it is not something that interests me in the slightest, however I told him a week or so ago that I would go with him as I am trying to be more open to his interests and be more of a companion for him. So he brought that up last night and said he was really excited that I would go with him. So when I said the "two way street" comment he said "well there is nothing you want to do that I wouldn't try with you" and he is probably right. He is a very open and accepting person and would do most anything with me. However that is not what is important to me. I told him that the idea is that I would be willing to do something for him simply to make him happy and feel fulfilled in our marriage and that in return I would like him to do something that makes me happy, like agreeing to "play by the rules" and stay within the boundaries that I am comfortable with. It's all give and take. He got it, he wasn't thrilled with it, but he got it. So I think some progress is being made there.
I also talked about how I think my expectations are a root of our frustrations with each other and at times the catalyst for our arguments. He agreed with that. We talked a little about that and it just boils down to the fact that I need to learn to not place expectations on him and on our relationship. Duh!
So there was a lot of serious talking going on and it was great because in between the serious stuff we were joking around and talking about other stuff. It was good because we were talking about our relationship and not arguing about it.
On the drive to the movie he also said that if we got back together we would need to deal with "this family thing" meaning my hatred of his family. We talked about it a little but not too much because that is a sure fire way to start a brawl. However he was talking about the future and that is always a good thing. And we did talk a little without a brawl breaking out. Again. . .always a plus.
We bought our tickets and were waiting for the theater to clear out and his phone buzzed. I saw the name flash and it is one of his "army buddies" who happens to be female, who happens to send him texts a lot and calls frequently. Not a fan. Anyways I got kinda miffed by it because we had just been talking about my boundaries of which #1 is no one on one with other women and a part of that is no close relationship with other women, even in a "friendly" way. It bugs me and he knows it. So he silenced the call and I excused myself to go to the bathroom because I could feel myself getting ready to snap. When I came back he was on the phone with her!!! Grrrr. When I asked him about it he said it's rude to ignore someones call and that she just needed help. I said "what kind of help" and he said "she needs help moving." I don't know the whole thing bugged me and while I let it get to me too much I still feel disrespected by all these f-ing women who try and get to my hubby. And it makes me mad that he is too dumb to see what they are trying to do.
Anyways eventually it was dropped. No harm. No foul. I think he understood why I was upset and he turned off his phone after that. It's not that I think he is up to no good, I just think he needs to learn to set boundaries in place in his life so that I will feel safe and secure. Which is after all the number one thing I need, according to our counselor.
Movie was good. We shared dinner (it's the kind of theater that does dinner and a movie) and were touchy-feely after that which is always nice. I still get butterflies.
Sigh.
After dinner we went "parking"
But it was super late afterwards and I had to drive an hour to get home and I had to be up early for work this morning so I was kinda crabby so we went to a store and he bought me a snapple to keep me awake on the drive home and then I took him home and we said goodnight and he asked me to text him when I got home. Which is always nice.
So overall it was good. A few frustrations here and there but I think we are getting better at dealing with things.
So my positives:
1. ML 2. Is going to joint session on Tuesday 3. Has not said no to me going with him if/when he goes to training 4. Open R talks without arguing 5. Maybe starting to see my point about other women 6. Future talk (sorting out family issues)
Negatives:
1. Still saying we are good as friends but maybe not meant to be married 2. Still thinks we would go back to arguing constantly
I don't know. It feels like a toss up. Anybodys game. All I can do now is focus on me and my life.
We did talk today about planning our next "date" and we might go to the beach. I was trying to be spontaneous and suggested staying the night in a seedy motel and making a weekend out of it and he was wishy washy about it which frustrated me because he always complained about my lack of spontanaity and here I was saying "let's just take off for the weekend" and he was shooting me down. Annoyed about that. I just said "well it's you call I just think it would be fun" and he said he would think about it and so I asked him to let me know by Friday so I can make alternate plans in case he opts out and he said he would. I just find it odd that when I start doing something he complained about me NOT doing in the past it is still not good enough. Grr.
Ok ladies all caught up! Hope it make sense I am waaay too tired to edit!
