I am feeling good today despite being voluptuous... too voluptuous for my own good. LOL~
I am seeing that the more I am light in my interaction with my husband the better. I have been smiling more, laughing more and being his friend more. I still feel it bubbling up in me the feeling of being annoyed or agitated and then I take a deep breath and let it go. I will not allow myself to sabotage myself anymore, Well as much as is humanly possible. I can feel myself falling in love with him even more and smiling when he smiles back and enjoying this time with him. I am really letting go and instead of taking little step and guarded ones at that . I am fully immersing myself.
I am surrendering to this. ..... and to him more and more every day. I even got dolled up yesterday not to impress him or make him want to f*ck me { although that is fun too...*} Just to feel good and feel sexy and feel me! I am happy to say that I am excited to let him have me and to be who he has always been looking for. I am sure he has waited what seems like forever for me to surrender. Am I still nervous? Sure? But this is fun and it is working... I dont think I could have done this before.. I was in to much pain. I was nursing the pain and taking care of it and so I never moved out of that place. I was stuck. I am also daring to try and do things more just for me.
He seems lighter { not just his weight } and he is enjoying this too. I wouldn't call it changing me so much anymore ,just removing the ugly. { The negative emotions... and boy there were and are still a lot. BUT I CAN DO IT!~ } Being naked in front of him , taking the risk. and not asking ? DO I look fat? { METAPHORICALLY speaking.. of course... } Being naked and true and just being who I would be if there weren't so many hurts and baggage laying around. I think that we are moving forward.. and I am hopeful....