Thinking out loud .....


I am feeling good today despite being voluptuous... too voluptuous for my own good. LOL~ ;\)


I am seeing that the more I am light in my interaction with my husband the better.
I have been smiling more, laughing more and being his friend more.
I still feel it bubbling up in me the feeling of being annoyed or agitated and then I take a deep breath and let it go.
I will not allow myself to sabotage myself anymore, Well as much as is humanly possible.
I can feel myself falling in love with him even more and smiling when he smiles back and enjoying this time with him.
I am really letting go and instead of taking little step and guarded ones at that .
I am fully immersing myself.

I am surrendering to this.
..... and to him more and more every day.
I even got dolled up yesterday not to impress him or make him want to f*ck me { although that is fun too...*}
Just to feel good and feel sexy and feel me!
I am happy to say that I am excited to let him have me and to be who he has always been looking for. I am sure he has waited what seems like forever for me to surrender. Am I still nervous?
Sure?
But this is fun and it is working... I dont think I could have done this before.. I was in to much pain. I was nursing the pain and taking care of it and so I never moved out of that place. I was stuck.
I am also daring to try and do things more just for me.

He seems lighter { not just his weight } and he is enjoying this too.
I wouldn't call it changing me so much anymore ,just removing the ugly. { The negative emotions... and boy there were and are still a lot. BUT I CAN DO IT!~ }
Being naked in front of him , taking the risk.
and not asking ?
DO I look fat? { METAPHORICALLY speaking.. of course... }
Being naked and true and just being who I would be if there weren't so many hurts and baggage laying around.
I think that we are moving forward.. and I am hopeful....

*thumbsup*

Ali