Sandi is here and things are getting better!

[OnTheEdge22]

Sandi - That's good advice, so thank you for that. I'm doing the 180's and GALing, but there are a couple things I'm struggling with. One is that I have a very hard time being that great man when I'm in the room with her. Basically we do the small talk thing, but we don't really talk if you know what I mean (its usually something about this kids, etc...). We don't smile or laugh with each and we don't really even look at each other. We just kind of pass each other in the house for (I think for fear that if we talk too much we'll get into a disagreement -- we don't really fight much anymore). So, when I'm with her, I find it hard to be this great guy that she would want to be with. I think if I came in all smiles and engaging (which I'm not even sure I could do), she would look at me and think I was doing this just to get her back. I don't know...

The other thing is that I have really been missing the emotional and physical connection with her. I'm starting to find myself attracted to other women -- to the point of considering talking to them and possibly asking them out. I know this is wrong, but I can't help it when all I get from my W is the cold shoulder. I don't want to cheat on my W, and I think that is what's giving me the feeling now of giving up -- that I can start the divorce process and then pursue a different relationship (which seems easier at this point!), although I know its probably not. I'll try to hang in there, but I'm struggling with keeping this up.

Thanks again for your note -- I'll keep reading it and try to stay focused on me.