Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[blindsided1]

Woooo Hoooo - my cute little customer just came in. He is soooo cute. He was all flirty, again and trying to make small talk...."sooo, it's Tuesday". My reply "yep, that it is". How dorky. Are we in High School or what? No, I like when he comes in. It's a nice ego/self-esteem booster. And, did I mention, he is sooo cute? Innocent flirting never hurt anyone, right? Too bad he looks similar to my H and I think he is too young for me. But, it's still a nice treat for the day.
I work with all men (I'm the only woman "the Queen" around here). They all tease me and they page me to tell me my "boyfriend" wants to see me. I love my co-workers. We are like a little family. They used to "like" my H, too. We all would do stuff outside of work together. But, now they just want to kick his arse.

[Startingover2]

What a nice ego boost if nothing else for you. I don't think I ever want to subject my kids to this again. I feel so sorry for my older kids and now baby. I have a feeling H will have a string of women in and out of his life so it will be confusing enough for baby to deal with.

[blindsided1]

I'm right there with you. I watched my Dad do it when he and my Mom divorced. It sucked. I am not looking forward to that, at all. I just wanted and hoped we would be a family. I wanted my d to grow up with both her parents loving her and raising her in the same home, not being bounced around.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hmmmm...my dad did the same thing. lived with 3 women before he finally M again. When I turned 16 I told him I wouldn't go there anymore because of it. My thought though, is that they are insecure and can't stand to be alone.

[Babygirl]

morning my friend! how are you doing today?? Thats great you got flirted with, it does make us feel good doesnt it?
My mom divorced my dad, and she had quite a few boyfriends before she finally married my step dad, it just sucked!

[blindsided1]

I remember those days all too well. I couldn't stand ANY of my Dad's girlfriends. I remember going to their houses and not ever being comfortable. My Dad was a major player after he and my Mom split. It was ridiculous. He remarried about 7 years later. She ultimately destroyed him. Cheated on him. Stole money and hid it instead of paying bills (my Dad was never good with money so he handed it over to her to handle - stupid move!!!). In a 3 month period, he lost his job, his house went into foreclosure (because she wasn't making the payments), she left him and was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. He passed away almost 6 years ago - broken hearted, depressed and alone (being alone was his choice. He never wanted to be a burden on us. We didn't even know about the cirrhosis until 2 years later when he ended up in the hospital). My Mom was the one who found him. He had died of a heart attack while getting dressed. I couldn't get a hold of him for a couple days. My Mom and her husband drove up to his apartment and there he was. He was only 59. He was funny and handsome and a good Dad. I miss him.

So, sorry... off the subject a bit. My point was that I hate that my daughter will have to go through her life watching H with another woman. If he starts a family with OW or someone else, I worry that she will feel like the family left behind. I just have to make sure that she gets extra love and attention. I have a wonderful family and great friends who have a ton of love for her. I will do everything to try and insure that her life is wonderful and happy and fulfilling.

Today is a bit sad. I get like this when I go a couple days without hearing from H AND when I don't get enough sleep. I was a bad DB'er this morning. I reached out. I sent him pics of his daughter this morning. She was such a happy baby today and they were really cute. He didn't respond. So, I reached out again. Asked if he was still alive. Just wanted to let him know that his daughter was fine and happy. She'll be very excited to see him when he gets back from his out of town job. Hoping that everything was going good for him.

We had a text convo and I ended it by saying "ok. Go back to work. Try to have a good day. Be safe". I know, I know. Why? Why did I feel the need to reach out? I don't know. I just did. The sad thing is, when he didn't respond at first, my feelings were hurt. If I had just NOT reached out, I wouldn't have to risk that. But, I am a glutton for punishment. I'm picking at the scab and poking the wound to make sure it still hurts. It turned out okay, I guess. I just wanted him to see what he's missing. Okay, put the detachment bandaid back on and let it heal.

[Startingover2]

I send H pics and videos sometimes too. I send them after he sends the sad texts telling me how much he misses her and I feel bad. What we have to remember is they CHOSE this. I think its ok to send a pic here and there, but that is it. I wouldn't follow up with anything else. I think your H still feels like you are sitting there waiting for him. Try and change it up and make him think you are gone for good and you don't need him. You realized you are way past that and are moving on. You have done it in the past and he seemed to respond. May help you too.

[blindsided1]

You're right SO2. I know he knows that I am sitting here waiting for him. I don't even have to have contact with him and I'm sure he still feels it. I've been taking my wedding ring off when I see him. I put it on the other hand (but not the engagement ring, I leave that one off when I see him). But, then I put them back on again. Last night my Mother told me that it looks pathetic to keep wearing them. She said she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings. She just wanted to point it out that H may think so too. I agree with her. I'm just having a hard time taking them off. My M is over. I know this. I spend so much time crying over someone who would not cry over me. That can't be healthy. He's not worth it right now, anyway. I want to let go sooo bad. I'm afraid of the pain everyday. It is getting less, it's just taking a very long time and I'm moving forward slowly. But, I am moving forward. Just not as fast as I would like.

[Startingover2]

Take your rings off and put them in a box somewhere where you won't have to see them all the time. I am saving mine for baby. Not sure why, the marriage was a sham but she can have them later. It was hard taking them off for the first few days but you get used to it and maybe think of it as a huge step for YOU! Towards your independence away from him.

[Forrest Gump]

"I'm just having a hard time taking them off."

Then don't take them off.

"My M is over. I know this."

Accepting something.. takes more effort than just knowing about it. This does take time. Sometimes it takes longer.. when you dwell on it every day. The hardest thing to explain is how to accept where you are in life.. and move forward. It seems impossible to do while you live it.. and so easy when you have gone thru it. It really does become a decision you make.. people make it on their own "timeframe".

You know.. you will be fine.. down the road.. whatever life brings you.

Now all you have to do.. is accept it.

It starts with making the decision.. you will be fine.. no matter what. The next step is to prepare for being fine. The rest will fall into place.

"But, I am moving forward. Just not as fast as I would like."

Like everything else in life.. the higher the pedestal you place something on.. the harder it is to reach.

Keep your head up..

And Always..