That where there is hatred, I may bring love...

[maninmotion]

((((((((Lola))))))))

Breathe. You've been through some very hard times before. You can survive this. You can triumph over this. Breathe.

Dan

[istherehope]

Lola,

I don't know if you have tried this, but one thing that works to calm me down is to write in my journal, to ask questions and look for divine inspiration. I am completely serious when I say that I feel I have often gotten answers to things over the past few weeks. My journaling has saved me on more than 1 occasion from completely losing it. I have gotten reassurances, and insights into things that are going on both with my H and me. Some may say it is the subconscious, but I have found the process very reassuring. Your internal shouting incident just made me think of this...

ITH

[JenInVen]

((((((Lola))))))

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like you can't go on. You aren't and will never be a waste of air space. We are all here to support you and just be shoulders to lean and cry on. We know how you feel because we've all been where you are.

Here is a poem that One Day posted on her thread a while back. Now I post it to you.

Don't You Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[AnewAmy]

Lola - I don't ever want to hear you say you are a waste of space again. You are a precious human being. You have a lot to offer this world. I have experienced this personally.


((((Lola)))) Scolding over.

I don't know what God has planned for you. I do know that there is something in store. In your situation he has shown it over and over again. Right now, this situation sucks a gallon of lemons. Eventually, those lemons will turn to lemonade. In the meantime, you need to keep yourself open to "hear" what ingredients you need in order to turn those lemons to lemonade.


(((Lola)))

[LolaL]

I know. I heard it today. "You need to stop." God's way of telling me that He has it under control. n I just have to let Him handle it. I keep praying to be a "vessel" if you will, for H, but I am not so sure this is what I had in mind...

Of course, I asked for it. I guess I got it huh...

[AnewAmy]

There is a saying and I know you've heard me say it before..."careful what you wish for."

You're going to make it through this sweetie.

[LolaL]

Of course, then I get in the car, and notice that he has a folder that has I love you written on it in German.

I didn't ask.

[AnewAmy]

His handwriting?

[LolaL]

Nope.

[LolaL]

Actually, it looked like his surrogate mom's handwriting, come to think of it.