I think I am heading to first

[yenko69]

I read this the other day and thought of her. This is where she is at and she can enjoy the consequences of her decisions.

"Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continue living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate—someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own—is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better. (Does describe OM, I do know him he was a "friend")

Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape."

[yenko69]

Back after a couple days of soul searching. No, I don't want anything bad to happen to my W. Do I want her back? I was not so sure for a couple days. Today I am sure, I just don't hold out much hope that it will happen.

Yesterday she called about a money order in my name. It should have been in hers. I told her I was heading to get gas in the same town where the banks are. I cut the convo short and said I would meet her in about 20 min.

When I met her at the SO I took the money order to a store. They would not cash it so I was trying to figure another way to do it. We talked for about 3 min and then told her I had to get gas. I would see her in the evening since we had a city council meeting for my part time job. I work as a Police Chief and she is on the city council.

[yenko69]

When I got to the house she was sleeping so I told her what time it was and hung out with D11 for a little bit. The house was a wreck and it is irritating that she lets it slide so far.

I told D11 to try and wake up her mom again, but she ended up getting up. She sat in the kitchen while D11 and I was on the couch talking and messing around. She was irritated with me and D11.

She rode with me to the council meeting (I know it was previously planned). During the first part of the meeting she put her hand on her chin to try and ignore me. During the meeting she loosened up when I was talking about some things. I did not need to throw any truth darts at her, another councilman and the mayor did a good about it.

She did straighten the fingers in her left hand and was lost in space for a bit. Not sure what that was about. She also made sure that I was off for the annual city dinner next month. I did not really care to much about it.

After the meeting D11 was standing outside. The cats had followed her up the street to the meeting. I talked to her about my schedule the next couple weeks and when I would be able to keep D11. D11 asked if she could put the cats in the back and take them home. Not really a prob. W could not believe I would take the cats in the back of my car to the house.

I dropped them off and and W said thank you about something. I told her you are welcome and bye.I then left for the night.

[yenko69]

I do realize how much of a mess I have been over the last couple weeks. Her coming around and then leaving again really messed me up. To a larger degree then I had first thought.

She did call me yesterday about D11 and some school stuff. She mentioned again about seeing a lawyer. We were just going to use the same one, but that seems like a bad idea.

I am trying to think of a good way not to tell her not to talk to me about issues involving a D while I am at work. I went to a burglary call a little later and could not really concentrate the way I should have.

I am not really angry at her anymore, just sad. It is hard to see someone you love go down a path to know that she is going to fall. I have seen it to many times in a lot of situations where people continue down the wrong road over and over. My job doesn't help to much since that is mostly what I see is the negative side of life.

I have been all over the place lately. Mostly do I want her back or not. I would say from my reaction to her talking about a L I do. Just hard to keep that goal in sight sometime. I have IC today so maybe that will help. I am also keeping D11 so that should be fun. I am going to try and go to the house and mow later. Somehow I find mowing a good way to think and sort things out.

Time to reread DR and reset my goals and get back my life. Working to much is not helping and neither is drinking so much. As hard as it is sometimes it is time to go back and do the right thing, regardless of how I am feeling at any given moment.

I did do the Reagan approach with a couple people. See how it turns out.

[hopeful4her]

Hey dude.

Just finished going over your thread.

Wow! The ups and downs, huh? You and I seem to be in similar places in our sitch, emotions wise. Biggest difference is, if you've read mine through, my wife and I have extremely little contact compared to you and your W.

That was the advice given to me. Being dark and just focusing on me. As far as I know, she is living the good life and happy as a clam. I have thought about doing things a little different, more contact, but now looking at your sitch, I think the outcome would be the same. After all the contact you have with yours, she is STILL with the POS! I have a feeling mine would still do the same, too.

[kat727]

Thanks for stopping by. Are you in Holton? Book club meets once a month. Right now we are reading "The Virgin of Small Plains". It is set in Kansas so that makes it a bit more interesting. Check it out.

kat

[kat727]

Some of us are watching "Dan in real Life tomorrow at 7:30 and then we will come here and chat. Fell free to join in.

kat

[yenko69]

H4H,

I am trying not to have much contact with her at all right now. It just seems hard to do with all the stuff we have going on. I have not contacted her in the last few days, I leave that up to her. Today I hope I can get D11 out of town before she makes it home. Then I should not have to hear from her for awhile. I need the break and to refocus.

Kat
I will try and pick up the book. Send the details of when the club meets and I will try and make it. Yes I live in Holton and my W lives in Denison.

I have seen Dan in real life a few months ago when we going to MC and trying to spend time together. If you have not seen it I am not sure I would recommend it for some people in their situations right now. I don't want to give it away though. It is a good movie.

[lost_in_space]

Yenko,

Haven't read all of your sitch, but I see that my Texan friend H4H has mentioned the two of you in similar places, so I get a good idea.

This is without a doubt the most painful experience to go through and yet we have to face it with a PMA. Sure, we have done our part to get things where they are in each of our R's, but no excuse for what our WAS have done when there is an A - cuts through the core of what family is all about IMO.

I will read your entire sitch later. Sounds like I am also in the same boat as you and H4H with the exception that my W is still at home, sleeping in the same bed and I think trying to p*ss me off enuf to leave - ain't gonna happen, and she can't legally force it.

Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of, eh?

Stay strong

[yenko69]

Went to IC yesterday. She said my W has not been there in six weeks. It did not surprise me much. She had the same thoughts I did, that my W did not want to face her problems. She even used the term cake eating. At least I have a good C who tells it straight.

I wanted to go get D11 before my W got back from taking SD16 to C. Did not work out though, W was at the house. The house is still a mess and she looked pretty down. For wanting to D me to find her happiness she is not doing a good job of it. Most of the time I see her she is pretty down and looks defeated. She was laying on the couch and said she was tired. We talked for a few minutes about the girls and how they were not getting their homework done or helping out around the house. W said she could not get them to do anything.

D11 got her stuff ready and I went and got some more of my clothes to take with me. D11 said the flowers in the bedroom where from her cookie sales. W told her not to lie. I just told her goodbye and left. For some reason it really did not bother me to much.

D11 did get all her math homework done, but did not have time for the science homework. She has study hall today and should be able to get it done. About time to wake her up, make her some breakfast and then off to school.

I am going back over today to work. Hopefully W will go to work and I can avoid her. Not really mad or down, I just really don't feel like talking to her today.