The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

It's my own silly analogy, but it's still based upon Michelle's Intimacy Dilemma (pgs 55-62 of The SSM) -- just taking it a step further based upon other books and my own experience.

I would caution you to give the young men that your daughter dates a bit of break. It takes a young man time, and experience, to even notice that the frosting is there, and how wonderful it is. Young men generally only feel the drive to 'get cake' and lots of it -- and it's the young women who generally put the brakes on and say "hold up, cowboy," and insist on the emotional intimacy too (their version of 'cake').

At some point, the young man will 'grow up' (although some never do), and realize that cake is just BLECH! without the frosting. I personally can't stand plain-cake, and hence never sought affairs during 20 years of sex-starved marriage. But that's me.

Other men prefer it with the frosting, but will eat it without -- just as many women will do the same in their own respective way. This is the common case on these boards: the man is dying for sex, ANY sex, even without emotional connection, while the wife is dying for emotional connection, any connection, and doesn't care a wiff about the sex.

Then there's your case, eh? Simply analogies don't work for everything....

-- B.