Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[blindsided1]

I remember those days all too well. I couldn't stand ANY of my Dad's girlfriends. I remember going to their houses and not ever being comfortable. My Dad was a major player after he and my Mom split. It was ridiculous. He remarried about 7 years later. She ultimately destroyed him. Cheated on him. Stole money and hid it instead of paying bills (my Dad was never good with money so he handed it over to her to handle - stupid move!!!). In a 3 month period, he lost his job, his house went into foreclosure (because she wasn't making the payments), she left him and was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. He passed away almost 6 years ago - broken hearted, depressed and alone (being alone was his choice. He never wanted to be a burden on us. We didn't even know about the cirrhosis until 2 years later when he ended up in the hospital). My Mom was the one who found him. He had died of a heart attack while getting dressed. I couldn't get a hold of him for a couple days. My Mom and her husband drove up to his apartment and there he was. He was only 59. He was funny and handsome and a good Dad. I miss him.

So, sorry... off the subject a bit. My point was that I hate that my daughter will have to go through her life watching H with another woman. If he starts a family with OW or someone else, I worry that she will feel like the family left behind. I just have to make sure that she gets extra love and attention. I have a wonderful family and great friends who have a ton of love for her. I will do everything to try and insure that her life is wonderful and happy and fulfilling.

Today is a bit sad. I get like this when I go a couple days without hearing from H AND when I don't get enough sleep. I was a bad DB'er this morning. I reached out. I sent him pics of his daughter this morning. She was such a happy baby today and they were really cute. He didn't respond. So, I reached out again. Asked if he was still alive. Just wanted to let him know that his daughter was fine and happy. She'll be very excited to see him when he gets back from his out of town job. Hoping that everything was going good for him.

We had a text convo and I ended it by saying "ok. Go back to work. Try to have a good day. Be safe". I know, I know. Why? Why did I feel the need to reach out? I don't know. I just did. The sad thing is, when he didn't respond at first, my feelings were hurt. If I had just NOT reached out, I wouldn't have to risk that. But, I am a glutton for punishment. I'm picking at the scab and poking the wound to make sure it still hurts. It turned out okay, I guess. I just wanted him to see what he's missing. Okay, put the detachment bandaid back on and let it heal.