I have not read your previous threads so please forgive me if I am off. I was a poster child for co-dependency - still fight it when it rears its ugly head... I was happy when my mother was happy and it was all my fault when she wasn't. That whole people pleasing thing defined what I thought were normal R's of all types. I needed to be liked by everyone - or else felt like I was a failure. I remembered every single negative thing someone said about/to me and didn't believe the positive things. For some reason, I surrounded myself with people that reinforced my negative image of myself - perhaps b/c it felt normal. There were a few other issues in my childhood that also affected my image of myself.
I am glad that you are working on a plan for your self esteem. Please give yourself time and work on each of the different aspects of your life that shaped your view of yourself. Dismantle it one step at a time. Eventually, as you build yourself up, you will see that H is spouting nonsense and roll your eyes when he says the beyond ludicrous things he is saying b/c it makes absolutely no sense. He is counting on you to believe him - that is why he is saying the nasty things he is saying. Take away that power from him. And you may even discover, that H leaving is not a bad thing b/c he will no longer fit into what you want from the people in your life. You deserve someone that sees and appreciates you - not someone that uses your own Achilles heel against you to manipulate you and put you down.
You are a wonderful person. I know you will see it too and really really believe it too someday.
There were a few other issues in my childhood that also affected my image of myself.
