I am THE poster child for co-dependency!! Hence, AlAnon.
I keep relearning (re-experiencing? can't seem to actually absorb it!) why I have this attachment to him. I still get torn between thinking that my feelings for him are unhealthy, to believing that it is simply unconditional love, what every person should have for their significant other, their children, etc.
The other part of the co-dependency is that you are never co-dependent alone. It explains how he jumped from one R to another with no break in-between. And the idea of leaving her is probably just as impossible as I have found being apart from him.
He accepts that he didn't communicate about his feelings, until it was too late--he had "lost his love" for me. He does not blame the gf at all. Insists that he would have left even if she wasn't involved. Would have stayed gone, even if she went back to her H.
I know that this dip has a purpose; I came back to this place to forward my learning. And I will get through it and come back up, better for having gone through the pain. At least the hurt doesn't go on and on without end, like it used to early on in the sitch.
Maybe I should thank God for letting me get to the better place for a short while in between these stints, now - it brings me to more understanding, and I can have hope and know that it won't stay this way. I wish I could learn without the tears and heartache, but these lessons will stay with me for life.
I am going to take tonight while the kids are away for dinner to plan something fun for the three of us for the weekend. x is going away right from work on Fri to his brother's "bachelor party" camping weekend, so I get them straight through. It will be great to give my head a rest and just enjoy them.
