Michelle,... do you recall way back that I said that I would need to have an affair with my own husband in order to get him back? Guess it's more of that law of attraction at work isn't it? *smile*
Since upping my A/Ds... last week, and I'm glad I did,... it's helped with keeping me pragmatic. My depression is gone. There's still fear and anxiousness of this sitch, because of some of the complications that will take a while to work itself out. (Plus the first 3 weeks of upping this kind of med can make me actually shake and raise the level of anxiousness/panic type stuff in the brain until the serotonin levels out.)
My fear of course, is she'll pull something that could pull him back into her lair but... based on the phone call we had this morning,... he's not baby stepping away from her,... he ripping pages out of their book in pretty steady steps. I can't count my chickens... and won't... but like some folks who've had coaching sessions here have talked about... ML isn't a bad thing... and sometimes you have to do what it *takes* ... experiment and make the "cure"... specific to the sitch.
As Michelle and I talked about very early on, ... our spouses had issues with how they felt we treated them... that we didn't invest enough IN them and spend time with them. So cure/sitch specific for me,... was always a question for me. Do I go dark, or go gaga all over him?
Dark turned out to be the best option... the hardest... but it forced him to go head first into the other relationship and begin to see the gold digging she was doing for exactly what it was. (I even was at the point of giving up a few weeks ago... so a lesson for all of us - just when you think there's no hope, never say never! Believe me when I say this, if you all knew ALL the bits and pieces of this sitch... you'd know why I thought there was no hope left. I'm as godsmacked by this change around as anyone could be!)
Last night he said: Keep kissing me like that and I'll have to come back. (as I mentioned in the post above). I phoned him and told him... hey... no reason why you can't you know... realizing that he might have not understood a female "monthly issue" was the reason I didn't want go there yet. I even said: 2 more days. Anyhoo - I woke up about 4:30 this morning, couldn't get back to sleep... I just wanted to feel him beside me so badly. I got up, made some sleepytime tea and even contemplated phoning him.
I woke up about 7ish and called him... he told me about his latest run in with her... and then told me that he almost called me back about midnight to come sleep with me. I said... why didn't you? I almost called you at 4:30.. but I didn't know who was sleeping where. (I actually laughed when I said that).
The convo then turned to, I really could use a squeeze from you and just see you, even for 5 minutes today. I'm just feeling a little anxious about things. He said he was definitely going to try to arrange it, because he wants to see me too. (work, keeping her from knowing I'm back in his life, etc etc etc).
Getting back to the cure/sitch specific stuff... I felt I needed to show my neediness, by saying I'd love to see him today... and I really wished he had of come back last night. But I also know that I can't be fragile. This is going to be the test of a life time for both of us and I said: I'm obviously a little anxious... but don't you worry... I'm back, I'm not fragile anymore and I won't break. The girl you once knew, feisty-ness and all IS back... and I'm ready for any battle she wants to give us.
We talked about that for a bit, then he said he'd call me later today... and ended the call with: Talk to you later sweetie. *smile*
I need to say this about the wonderful folks here... May the gods and guardian angles keep shining down on each and every one of us here.... The folks in this board warm my heart and have kept me, and so many others here in their prayers and have cheered us on, no matter how adverse the sitch is and seems to be.
*Hugs to everyone* Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
