I do realize how much of a mess I have been over the last couple weeks. Her coming around and then leaving again really messed me up. To a larger degree then I had first thought.
She did call me yesterday about D11 and some school stuff. She mentioned again about seeing a lawyer. We were just going to use the same one, but that seems like a bad idea.
I am trying to think of a good way not to tell her not to talk to me about issues involving a D while I am at work. I went to a burglary call a little later and could not really concentrate the way I should have.
I am not really angry at her anymore, just sad. It is hard to see someone you love go down a path to know that she is going to fall. I have seen it to many times in a lot of situations where people continue down the wrong road over and over. My job doesn't help to much since that is mostly what I see is the negative side of life.
I have been all over the place lately. Mostly do I want her back or not. I would say from my reaction to her talking about a L I do. Just hard to keep that goal in sight sometime. I have IC today so maybe that will help. I am also keeping D11 so that should be fun. I am going to try and go to the house and mow later. Somehow I find mowing a good way to think and sort things out.
Time to reread DR and reset my goals and get back my life. Working to much is not helping and neither is drinking so much. As hard as it is sometimes it is time to go back and do the right thing, regardless of how I am feeling at any given moment.
I did do the Reagan approach with a couple people. See how it turns out.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
