I think I may belong here.

[tpaschal]

I haven't been through exactly what you are going through, but have some similarities. (I'm controlling, mommied my H in some ways, etc.)

You say the lightbulb turned on for you, and you are coming to realize why you did some of the things you did, and that's great. But you do sound depressed. That's normal, considering what you are going through, but don't ignore depression---it just makes this whole situation harder to cope with.

Are you in counseling? If not, please consider it. Or try the DB phone Coaching sessions. I haven't ever been able to afford the phone coaching, but it seems like it's very helpful to others who have tried it. Or find a good, pro-marriage (hopefully DB trained) counselor in your area.

Good luck and God bless.