Hi BH - OK so for now looks like your 'main' post is here.
I'd recommend either We're Separated or Surviving. I can't even stomach the MLC forum and I know many others can't. (sorry and NO offense intended for those who do post there regularly!! It just doesn't work for me). I've lost track of a few people when they switched to that forum.
YES hon, protect your heart. That's most important.
I'm soo glad you're protecting yourself.
Soo.. yeah, you're in a tough spot. And honestly I have a hard time providing advice because of how my sitch turned out. AT THE TIME, my approach was "be the OW to the OW." BUT.. the key is you can't get sucked in. It's tough. And... I later learned in my sitch that "OW" was less of an "OW" than I thought (EA yes, but no PA or R).
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Ok, now here is my school of thought: Always be nice and upbeat around him because it makes ME feel better, knowing I am a good person and still capable of having compassion with someone who may not deserve it. Look as cute as possible because it makes ME feel good and confident, not doing it for him. If it makes it hard for him to leave, good because he needs to feel anguish over what he has done. If not, then he is a shadow of the man I knew and I dont need the new him anyway. Go NC when it comes to my personal life and dont care about his personal life, it no longer concerns me. This way I get to detach and heal but dont feel like I am being a mean angry b!tch in the process.
I like this! Where do I sign up for your school??
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My brother keeps telling me that I need to sign up for some dating websites. He said it was not to go on dates, but to meet new friends.
I think your bro wants you to stop hurting ASAP.
Unfortunately, jumping into dating is likely to do the opposite.
Instead I'd suggest.. YES meet new friends, but NO not with dating in mind. I posted lots of meetup ideas to you, right? I met some amazing friends (NOT "R friend" just actual friends!) that way. What about starting there?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
NikB, I did not get that post of meetup ideas. Would you mind sharing again? Thanks.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Brokenhearted - I am just now reading about your sitch. There are a lot of similarities. I would love to be able to teach myself to detach better. I am conflicted as how to handle myself with H. There are days when I totally go NC and then there are days I reach out as a "friend" (today is one). We have a newborn so it's easy for me to find "reasons" to reach out to him. But, I know I shouldn't be. Or should I? I have no idea. This DB'ing stuff is NOT easy. But, I love what you said about detaching. Those are my sentiments exactly. I'm coming up on our 1 year of separation mark. Doesn't feel good knowing he and OW are about to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. They have talked of M and starting a family. Ouch, it hurts.
You're strong. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Do for you and your Son. My heart goes out to you. I'll be checking up on you.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
BH.. hmmm I wonder if I was thinking of a different poster that I sent that list to. Let me look for it!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ah ha.. it WAS a different poster. Sorry for the confusion!
Here's some info on it: meetup.com - if you want I'll be glad to help you search. What major city is closest to you? I'll see what I can find nearby.
Basically it's people (organizers) put groups together based on whatever interests they have, and they schedule get togethers related to those. For example.. I'm in a Dining Out one and they try new restaurants all the time. Others in my area include wine tasting, hiking, biking, Friday Night at the Movies, a cooking group that rotates dinners at peoples' houses, a woman's social group called "Girlfriends a la Sex and the City," etc. It's basically just people who are looking to get out and do fun stuff, and meet other people along the way. It's NOT a dating group. There are sometimes singles groups that are more about dating, but that's only a small handful of the many groups out there.
Hope that helps a bit. If you want to do your own search just go to meetup.com and put in your zip code, then look through what's available. I offered to help because it can be a little bit overwhelming at first, and I have some practice finding groups that are pretty active and well liked.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Thanks NikB, I took a look and will be joining some groups soon.
Just so everyone knows, I have moved to Surviving. My new thread is called "Another one bites the dust". I know, it sounds down and out, but I'm kinda feeling that way at the moment. Actually, more like just beaten down. Anyway, I hope to get your continued support because you all have been so wonderful. I appreciate everything and all of exceptional advice.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
