I keep saying that his head has gone through amazing mental gymnastics...I guess mine can, too. But why? Why do I seem to love and need him, no matter what the mental cost to myself, when it isn't deserved?
Donna, I am not an expert on co-dependency, but I think this need to be loved by him is co-dependent. It is not based on him being a good person who is worthy of your love. You have mentally put yourself in a place where you believe that if he doesn't love you it is your fault because you are not good enough. The truth is that he made a choice that had nothing to do with the person you are, but has to do with the person he is. He has problems, and rather than face them he ran away and made a new life, thinking that would solve his problems. But the reality is that he still has problems, and the fact that he can't even acknowledge that he holds some responsibility in the demise of your marriage is a huge problem. None of us are perfect, we didn't do things perfect in our marriages, but we accept that and were willing to work to make it better. WAS's don't accept responsibility for any wrongdoing.....that is just not normal!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
