I know how hard it is to see the kids getting treated this way by their dad. It's the same in many of our situations, and I don't believe any of us had an easy time watching it happen. But it seems to in many circumstances.
I guess I looked at it as the WAS 'cutting ties' in as many ways as he could from his 'old life'. If he kept any ties, there would be too many reminders to make him feel guilt/shame..and remind him of his old self.
In alot of cases though, after some time, I think they start to come back around and re-connect with the kids. Maybe never like they did before the MLC, but stil re-connect in some way that appeases the kids good enough at that time. After they've been ignored, they usually will accept whatever crumb is thrown out to them from the WAS. Hopefully , as they mature, they will decide for themselves if they are satisfied with crumbs, or if they will decide to distance themselves from the WA parent.
In my families case, my XH connects with our adult sons, mainly as a 'bud'. Will take one of them out to eat once every couple of months or so..by them a drink if they run into each other at a bar, etc. Not my idea of a family get -together, but the boys seem to accept it , as it is the only thing being offered
It does still upset me. They don't/won't go to their dad when they're in trouble or need help. They'll come to me or to my mom..but they generally 'jump' when their dad gets around to spending a few hours with them. It hurts, to be honest. I know they feel safe because they know I'm always there for them, but they spend their 'fun' time with their dad, and he basically gets to walk away from the more troublesome areas of their lives.
They're in their mid 20s/early 30s now....so, believe me when I say divorce affects the older kids just as much as the younger ones. It scares/saddens me to think how they've been 'changed' by all of this. Especially when I remember the kind of family they use to have...and now they have....this. Ugh.
Anyway, TOH...it's part and par of the course. Be upset, you certainly have a right to be. But don't act on it...don't say anything, do anything, don't let on to your kids. They'll make up their own minds in time, and if your H can't see what he's doing, you pointing it out isn't going to help. he has to see it on his own, with no help from you.
I'm sorry you're hurting from this. So many of us have gone through the same thing..and felt the same way.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
