I have never posted to you before... Your post is so similar to what I posted 5 years ago... I have noticed your very heartfelt and caring posts to FLTC and I think you are a wonderful, warm and compassionate person.
Please don't be so hard on yourself.
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My mother never really liked me very much. It didn't matter how hard I tried.
Well I am a member of that club. It's okay if your mother doesn't like you. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. I know that one is a tough one to get past... She loves you the best way she knows how... My mother loves me - she just has a tough time liking people that do not do/agree with exactly what she wants - views it as "betrayal." And she gets a little toxic. Please set that aside as a separate issue. It really is not about you.
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My sister doesn't like me. I half raised her.
Sometimes this is just family gunk... My sister loves me but gets confused when faced with divided loyalties involving my mother. Your sister loves you - it is just gets all complicated and confusing when there are other family issues...
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And now, the man who I love, who I vowed to be with, doesn't like me. Even after all these years, and two children--he had to get away from me at all costs, even if it meant loosing everything he had every valued. In fact, he hates me.
The man is an idiot and a fool. Just look at his actions! He has to say what he is saying to justify his actions. He needs you to be evil to avoid facing himself. It has nothing to do with you.
If there is anything you can do at your end - it is believing in yourself. Do not allow this man to beat you down. Sometimes when people cannot face what they have done - they attribute the very characteristics that they hate about themselves on those that are closest to them. I don't understand it myself - it makes no sense - I think it is called projection...
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The people in my life who I have loved most, who have known me best, have all agreed that I am not a good person.
I think your friend cares about you. She wants to be there for you as you find your way to your new life. Let her be there for you.
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My children love me now, because you have to love your mother. It is survival. Unconditional love. I wonder how they will see me as they grow up. I can hazard a guess...
It is so easy to snowball it all together. Please don't lump your children's love for you with the not so great people that unfortunately ended up in your life. Accept their love and put them in the category of people that have the ability to see the real you and love the real you.
I had (still lurking) a whole baggage collection of childhood issues that affected my choices as an adult. Issues that affected my self esteem in a huge way. And those issues came back full force during my D. What you are feeling is normal. Please hang in there and ride it out.
Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.
