For the Guy with Kids and a WW 12

[hopeful4her]

Puppy, I'm sure you still look in on me.

Am I a total F up in my sitch? I believe dub thinks I am. The thing is I feel so much better about MYSELF.

[karen43]

The problem is, when and IF the wife ever gets there, will I still want it. In my heart.

I'm not divorced yet. Until then, I have to keep some hope. I don't know the real reason she hasn't done it yet. Could be cost, but she knows she can do papers herself. Could be uncertainty. Could be guilt. I have no idea.

But until she does. We're still married. How can I truly start to heal? How can I move on? How can I do anything? When the D comes, then the process begins, I think.

For me at least, I think it's a gradual process. When H moved out I detached a little more, when I got the D papers more detaching, then every time he does something skanky with the OW or to the kids, I detach more. Every time I see my L. I just think by the time we are finally D that I will be 99.99% detached and getting closer each day. Karen

[hopeful4her]

I see it the same.

Your H is such an ass, though. Makes it easy for you.

I don't think I give enough of myself to wife for her to be one to me much. Contact is minimal, like the way it was supposed to be, I thought.

If I did a 180 and started more contact with her, who knows? She might prove herself to be just as much an ass as your and kats and suga's H's. She certainly has it in her.

This I know. I've seen it.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

At the end of the day, what do you want to do? Doesn't it all come down to what will make you happy IN THE LONG RUN? (Lord knows I am struggling with that at times).

And when you can truly answer that - you have your goa, do you not?

And then when you have that - aim for it.

(Sorry for the philisophical ramblings... I think therefore I am!)

[karen43]

Your H is such an ass, though. Makes it easy for you.

I don't think I give enough of myself to wife for her to be one to me much. Contact is minimal, like the way it was supposed to be, I thought.

If I did a 180 and started more contact with her, who knows? She might prove herself to be just as much an ass as your and kats and suga's H's. She certainly has it in her.

I know!!! I think sometimes it's so much easier for me b/c there is so little good in him anymore (that I can see anyway). Sometimes I've even thought I wonder if he is acting so awful to make me not like him; he was so upset when I used to tell him I loved him, he just wanted me to get over him so he can be with OW guilt-free I think. But maybe he is just an a$$!

I think if you are about like me lately I look at doing 180s just for me and my kids now, not really focused on thinking about what might attract H or help with that. I think my H is in his own little world anyway!!! If you think a 180 will make you happy or something you should do, then go for it!!! Karen

[hopeful4her]

Lis, when your wife is moved out of the house and you have minimal contact with her, and you know she is giving herself to another man, it sure is hard to keep the goal in sight.

Believe me.

When she was here at home, you know how hard I was fighting for her. I always considered myself the romantic and strong in what I wanted, but I KNEW that once she moved out, things would change. Total different game plan.

That silk thread that I have talked about before? It is the hope that I still hold onto. A thread. A strong thread, but still a thread.

Everyone that knows me on this board knows what I still want. I may be all over the damn place, but everyone knows. I want the woman I fell in love with, but I think she died. The thing occupying my wife's body....don't know about her.

Dub wants me to turn my thread into a rope again. AT wants me to drop the thread completely. What... 90 percent of my posts still involve me talking about the wife.

Both of them want to kick my ass for the alphabet girls.

My sitch has made me as loopy as one can get. Loco.

But don't I SOUND much better?

[karen43]

Both of them want to kick my ass for the alphabet girls.

Oh, me too!!! I just think that as confused as you are sometimes, as most of us are, adding the alphabet girls to the mix would prob. add more confusion. The icky bandaid and all that. And, actually I do think you sound better! Karen

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Sorry if I came across as slamming you in any way - not my intention.

Yes, I know you are constantly referring to your W. I guess that is why I always try to bring you back. I see it in your posts.

Hope I don't come across as too forceful. I do not know what it is like with W out of the house (although at times I think it may be easier) but I sense you have that thread and are not too willing to totally drop it.

If I am off base let me know.

And yes you do SOUND better.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Sorry if I came across as slamming you in any way - not my intention.

Yes, I know you are constantly referring to your W. I guess that is why I always try to bring you back. I see it in your posts.

Hope I don't come across as too forceful. I do not know what it is like with W out of the house (although at times I think it may be easier) but I sense you have that thread and are not too willing to totally drop it.

If I am off base let me know.

And yes you do SOUND better.

[hopeful4her]

The alphabet girls certainly don't help my confusion.

Karen, just don't aim too low with your TKD kicks.

Lis,

What?

What?

No slam was taken. Just trying to give you some insight to me and what I am in. It's different. With the abuse you take, you could have gone "postal" by now and I don't think anyone could have blamed you.

Her being gone from the house and the slight contact...dude, it is tough. Hard to SEE the hope. I look down at my hands....I can barely see the thread. I know it's there, just hard to see, its so thin.

Your not off base.

Time for night night. Have an early day at work tomorrow.

Peace.