Hi, The past two days have been still moving forward in a positive direction. I still have one "foot" in my old world but everything is the "same" or much better in my new world.
My H came over on Tuesday to be with all of us and he left around 9 after the kids went to bed. I was washing my face and putting on my pj's and I was a little surprised that he didn't want to be intimate but I was tired so I said goodbye and went to read. I heard him drive off and 5 minutes later he was in our room and said he just wanted to have a smoke. (New habit since his crisis) I said oh come lay down with me and then you can guess the rest. I fell asleep on him and when he left he tried to replace himself with a pillow... cute
Yesterday we were due to go to a golf outing for my work. This was a day I was a little nervous about because
1. I have never golfed before 2. I had PMS 3. I was golfing with 2 of his friends one I knew and one I didn't but both know about our sitch
Anyway I had a great, great day I golfed pretty darn good and I didn't henpeck or act like a wife in the golf cart at all. we made love again and he left saying that he had a great day with me.
Friday I am due to see Bruce Springsteen with an old friend (guy) I was unsure about going but I still need to declare my freedon and independence. It is why he was drawn back in the first place For such an independent person when I was with him I tended to not still seek my independence.
When we are together now it is weird because I still hear the negative voices in my head The ones that want to ruin my relationship. The ones that want to make it bad because it is good. The little girl who watched her mom ruin things when they were good with my dad. I still need to unlearn all of the old patterns that I witnessed as a child and eventually took them into my marriage. I need to practice these skills while we still have time apart. Why does everyone ask me when he is coming home? God know I am not fully ready yet. These negative voices are unhealthy to me now though , foreign to my system. Foreign to the person who seeks peace and not pain. Calmness and not tension. Love and not war. Building the other person up not tearing them down.
Please read The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews for a homeowrk assignment and write back and tell me how it makes you feel inside Hurry don't delay
