Can somebody please clarify how it is okay to have hope...but not to have expectations? I don't know how the two don't kinda go hand in hand.
I know you can't expect someone to react a certain way...or you can't expect a certain outcome...
but in this instance, I am referring to ....if H does decide to come back...and I have made myself perfectly clear to him on this...I expect no MOW...nada...nothing...no contact whatsoever. So I can hope he comes back and hope we can reconcile and not expect that he stop seeing MOW?
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
I don't have a lot of time to post as it's so late here, but I wanted to stop in and say hello, and thanks for visiting me. I need to catch up on your thread!
For me, having hope means looking into the future (whether an hour forward or years forward) and thinking something might happen, but knowing it might not. Nevertheless, you wish it would happen and are grateful if it does.
Expectations mean looking into the future and wanting something to happen. You want that thing to happen and focus on it such that if it doesn't happen you feel hurt and disappointed. Your happiness is tied to whether or not that thing happens.
Hope means acting positively and in a goal-oriented way, evaluating what you can do and taking steps towards it. Expectations, for me, mean operating from a place of fear in case the thing I want doesn't happen.
I think you would be well within your rights to hope that H comes back, and if he does to expect that he would stop seeing MOW. In this case, I'd see the expectation as a boundary you'd set. So, if H comes back (as you hope), he will do so on the condition that he no longer contacts MOW. Fair enough. When they're ready to come back, I think you have to be clear about the conditions under which they're coming back.....
I just thought I'd let you know that BA is doing pretty well right now. She's been really busy at work, and there has been very positive movement in her sitch. Still a long, long way to go, but you wouldn't believe what is going on if I told you! Besides, she should be the one to do that!
She says she'll post soon, and thanks for thinking about her!
Hugs to everyone! (From me, and I think I can assume from BA as well!)
Wow, Jeff, thank you for the update!!! If you get a chance please give BA a big hug from me and let her know that I'm very excited to hear how things are going when she wants to type about it!
