Information about abuse

[Imageer]

Again, you do NOT know what really goes on with folks on this board, you only know what's posted.

SG, I'm am not sure what you are trying to get at here.

Are you suggesting that we assume that he is lying when he says he spits on his W, throws pizza at her and shoves grapefruit in her face? That would seem to me a terrible assumption to make.

Please clarify your line of thinking here.

Also, you are critizing us for not trying something different when he freaks out at the suggestion that he is doing anything wrong. What specifically would you suggest? I for one have no intention of validating his behaviour.

[sgctxok]

Again, you do NOT know what really goes on with folks on this board, you only know what's posted.

SG, I'm am not sure what you are trying to get at here.

Are you suggesting that we assume that he is lying when he says he spits on his W, throws pizza at her and shoves grapefruit in her face? That would seem to me a terrible assumption to make.


Not all of that if any of it actually happened. I don't remember all the details but I know there was no grapefruit. He spills his thoughts. Many folks do that. Recently there was someone much more vocal and violent...and on this forum. I rarely got a notice about him.


Please clarify your line of thinking here.

Also, you are critizing us for not trying something different when he freaks out at the suggestion that he is doing anything wrong. What specifically would you suggest? I for one have no intention of validating his behaviour. No one was criticized. It's an observation that what most of us were doing with him wasn't working.

Not speaking or going about it differently is NOT the same as validating. This is a lesson that is useful in our own lives.

In fact....speaking and going on about it can make the situation WORSE. If all we are doing is ranting about it and agitating someone....it makes the situation worse.

[*KS*Chick*]

not speaking up in a case of abuse seems to be the wrong way to go about it.....

[fig]

are you suggesting we ignore it when someone is abusive?

I often ignore things that people say that i don't agree with...they are just differences of opionions

heck

there are very few people who share all my viewpoints
and
that is the way it should be
we are all different

however, being abusive and justifying it is quite a different thing

if you saw someone beating up a person on the street would you just walk by and ignore it or stop

of course that pounder will not like me saying...stop pounding on that person, it's wrong

but it is even more wrong to turn your head and pretend you never saw it

if Phil were just rambling on about random things and was beligerent and ranted on his religious views i might have popped in and said hey whats up

but would have left him alone when he said leave me alone

he talked about spitting on his wife
about trying to hit her
about pushing her when he was drunk

he talked about insistanting on hugging her when she expressly said not to
he talked about trying to get info from him children

he talked about her throwing things at him

not a difference of opinion

not a point where we want people to turn their heads and pretend they just don't see

[sgctxok]

Sure...I agree. The first or second time. Over and over again with no good result can make it worse.

[fig]

gthen do you make it a safe place for those abusing people to vent about it

or

do you make it safe for people who feel violated by that

i guess that is the real question

do you allow it
or
not

[*KS*Chick*]

so sit idly (sp) by and do nothing.....

[AmyC]

not speaking up in a case of abuse seems to be the wrong way to go about it.....

I get the feeling there's been enough "speaking" however I think sg is taking quite a chance by professing LP was lying/embellishing/over-dramatizing all those previous posts.

I mean, if she and/or Virginia addressed those issues privately with him that is GREAT but how can she know he wasn't lying when LP told her THAT?

That question is hypothetical.

The fact is no one here can help him until he decides to help himself.

He has been given the tools.

It is up to him to use them.

[Imageer]

Sure...I agree. The first or second time. Over and over again with no good result can make it worse.

How specifically would you have us react then? What would be the DB way of handling this?

Not all of that if any of it actually happened. I don't remember all the details but I know there was no grapefruit. He spills his thoughts. Many folks do that. Recently there was someone much more vocal and violent...and on this forum. I rarely got a notice about him.

You are correct. The grapefruit issue was that he wanted to shove grapefruit in his W's face but didn't. He then suggested that it would be ok for someone (Husband / Boyfrind) to do this to his D. I believe what he said was that if she deserved it, it was fine with him. Even if the act did not happen, it is still unacceptable behaviour.

Regarding other people, I have been away for a while and cannot speak about people I have not interacted with. I can only speak about people I have interacted with.

No one was criticized. It's an observation that what most of us were doing with him wasn't working.

I agree, anything anyone said that was not in agreement with his behaviour did not work. I was slammed for disagreeing with him, I was slammed for suggesting a possibility for a schedule. I was slammed for agreeing with Frank. Unless we "touched his heart" by patting him on the back, we were slammed. This is why I ask, what specifically would you suggest?

[AmyC]

That's a good question but I think we were just supposed to shut up and go away with fig.