What does your coach think causes his anger, Christa? Does she think you should continue to pursure or to back off until he gets through this anger towards you? I wished he'd buy a punching bag and hurry the process up a bit!
Let us know as soon as you get your grade on your exam! Here's hoping.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
ITH~ The last two phone calls: he calls or I have called him, he wants/needs something that takes me TOTALLY TOTALLY off guard... most recent example...POOLGATE...yes how can any of us forget POOLGATE!!! (sandi, I know your laughing!!) The second being over some stupid credit card....yes sandi, you've been following me long enough, i'm sure you read about credit-card gate as well....they start out nice, cordial, easy-going, then he throws something at me off the wall....like by the way the pool is full of mold so i'm going to tear it down?? WTF??? did I miss something, until we are D'd you can't do anything with or to marital property...then he's like get it out of your head we are never going to work out...I know my bad, brought up r/m...but I was just like, I think we should hold off decisions about the house until we decide what is going to happen. A few days later I text him and just said, I can have a pool co. come out and fix the pool or a bulldozing company come tear it down, let me know what you need from me...haven't heard another word out of him about the pool.
As for the credit card....well that story, is just way too dramatic...if you're board you can read thru some threads...if not...well...let's just say pretty much the same as above.
Good idea about the coffee, except were more, go to the bar and have a beer kind of people!!! which i have done before; i guess it's been so long, and his whole anger thing...i'm just scared of rejection!
Sandi! DB coach thinks anger is some type of out cry to get back at me for leaving. The "you did this to me, so I will do this to you" mentality. He can not let go. He never has been able to let go of any part of his past. He reverts back to every wrong thing someone has done to him; I think this was the only real time I had truly hurt him...so this, therefore, is my punishment...sad I know, but I also feel, as if the way he was raised, he is incapable of dealing with emotions...father alcoholic, mother well, un-supportive is me putting things EXTREMELY nice!!!! I haven't talked to DB coach in a while, since FG has been working with me...that crazy boy....where is he hiding...oh FG!!!
So, where to go from here...It's been a week since I have msgd him, continue to back off...or continue to pursue...find a happy medium? He stated in a text 3 yes 3 weeks ago, he was going to his L...still haven't heard from mine...so finding that statement hard to believe. I don't think there is a 3 week turn around...at least not where i am from!!! LOL!!!! I figured a week to get into L, then a few days for our L's to chat, then I would have heard from mine...long story short...H is full of sh*t!!!!!!!! :D...I honestly don't think he knows what the hell he wants...
So, I will keep on trucking! Got school to keep me busy, and work if i'm bored!! I cut back my hours, as school has become really overwhelming...and my education needs to take a priority at this time in my life. I'm not paying the big bucks to repeat courses!!!!!
So, for now, I will just keep praying for the crazy little H....Let the Man in charge take care of some of this, He's the one in control!!! I am doing my part down here....and leaning on Him to do His part from above
ITH and Sandi thanks for the great input!!! hugs 2 you both
Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Man oh man! I think he is in serious limbo country. He seems angry at the world b/c his W left him. Well, big deal, it's not like he is the only man out there this has happen to before!
This makes me think of my friend AmyC whose stitch was not like yours, but she and H split and he never could seem to forgive her and get over it. She did everything she could think of to get the M back together, but no go b/c of his stubborness.
I don't know, sweetie, you may have that type of man on your hands too. Have to ask yourself if you are sure you want to wait this out or move on. It's your call. But, frankly, I just don't know what to do with the man. I'm afraid my patient would run out real quicly. Of course, I'm not the one in love with him....lol.
It's after midnight and I should have my backside in the bed. You may have to come pull me out in the morning to get me off to work!
Glad you cut back on some of those hours. I was concerned about you working too much to try to compensate the lonliness. Anyway, like you said, now you are focused on your education. If you can just keep your mind in that direction......you'll do good.
I think I'm beginning to dream a little now, so better sign off.
Talk to you later. Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My prof.'s state this program is designed for the full-time career person.... I am trying to figure out how???
I have three papers one 5 page, one 3-5 and one 1-2 page along with an hour long power point presentation, not including the reading of 6 chapters of BS all due by Fri.
I have cut work back to 2- 12's which is my minimum, still don't know how i am going to stay ahead of my bills....will worry later!! I am just pondering how they think someone who works FT can do all of this??
ok, i feel better, needed to vent!!!
oh, and work on a marriage that is in severe crisis!!! and try to look fabulous!!! LOL!!!
hope everyone is having a happy tuesday....needless to say, weds. and thursday are going to be writing paper days for me!!
hugs to all christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"Man oh man! I think he is in serious limbo country. He seems angry at the world b/c his W left him."
And.. in all fairness.. he should feel that way.
I was pissed when my W "left".
"I don't know, sweetie, you may have that type of man on your hands too."
We do! Understand that! 100%
"She did everything she could think of to get the M back together, but no go b/c of his stubborness. "
Here we disagree.. Maybe AmyC needs to come have a look. In my mind.. she just never "showed" him.. things could be different. She did not "poke" him the right way.
"Have to ask yourself if you are sure you want to wait this out or move on. It's your call. But, frankly, I just don't know what to do with the man."
Hmmm.. this seems familiar.. The outcome is the same. She is posting here.. or off GAL with H.
Christa.. you can wait. Never think that is not a option. If you want to wait.. say the word.
I will say it again.. people don't seek me out.. to chit chat.
Sandi2.. can chit chat. And I love her for it.
I can't walk someone thru the "mental" part of it.
I mean.. I have said it before.. I love the fact she is Lan's friend. She walked him thru.. the stuff I could not.
We are here for you.. and what you want to do.
Even if me and Sandi2.. don't agree.
The simple fact remains.. we are both here.
Honestly.. to me.. that says alot.
We see the same things.. you just have to lead.. and show us the way.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
i received a letter in the mail yesterday... H filed ...
to make things even better his father was admitted to the floor where i work. i am off work today, but work tomorrow, i am hoping he is discharged by then, and everything is ok. time will tell
he picked a crappy time to do this, school is already overwhelming, and adding this on top....just a lot to deal with.
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Hi Christa, sorry I haven't been around in a few days. My Fibro has been awful! Anyway, sorry to hear the news about H filing. That's the pits to say the least. I was hoping he would drag his feet about that like he seem to everything else.
Well, I'm not good at "poking" like I tried to tell you and Forrest. That was never my part that I played (sorry, don't know how else to state it). If I try to think of something I am too over the top....lol. I did do the chit-chat and was hoping that Forrest would help out on the male end of things b/c I don't know where to go now that H has filed. I would feel doubtful that he would agree to show up at any friends for a cookout, now. I just don't know what to tell you unless you can wait out the storm and give him time to get his anger worked out. You are so busy with your school, work, etc., that maybe that would keep you busy while he is working on his "issues".
I wished I could be more help as far as giving ideas of how to "poke him"....but I just don't have any. FG said AmyC did not poke enough....or something like that, but I would have been just like her. I would not have "chased" after my H a bit more than she did hers. Maybe he calls it "poking" but I call it chasing and I thought the man was the one that like to be the one to pursue.
Anyway, Forrest, what to do now that H has filed?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree Sandi, I'm not sure WTF to do now that H filed? I feel like we are in a whole new game.
I have a feeling he is going to want this to be short and sweet. It is not going to be, esp. with me being in school, everything is going to revolve around my school schedule.
I don't know how to feel about it all....angry, sad, frustrated?
I wonder if there is a OW behind this?
He did respond to a text the other day...he wanted to know what I wanted to talk about...i said not much, good to hear from you. that was that.
hope you get feeling better...i have fibro and migraines as well...it sucks
take care of yourself thanks for listening christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
which i have done before; i guess it's been so long, and his whole anger thing...i'm just scared of rejection!