you are amazing. thank you so much for taking the time to think all of this over with me!!!
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I actually LOVE your apology letter. Do you think he knows any of this? Would it come as a suprise to him? Did you express any of this ever in the history of your R? Can you imagine saying any of this to him? I think its possible to drop something like that into a conversation, and it be much less confrontational than a letter....
Thank you!!! I am pretty sure he doesn't know most of it, if any of it. I MIGHT have told him during the webcam breakup conversation that I insisted on doing everything my way. But everything else is stuff that I figured out by myself since then and haven't communicated yet. I CAN imagine saying this stuff to him. I actually have a very specific "image", we're on a sidewalk somewhere in new york walking, and he brings up the R and I kind of laugh and say, "you know I'm sorry, I wasn't very good to you...."
I LOVE your examples!!!! they are SO positive!!!! You're actually right, Essie-- all the guys who have hit on me since the bombs (with the exception of the sweaty middle eastern bicyclist in central park) have been no where near as good at listening as B. And I DO think about B rocking my world sexually ALL THE TIME.
For a long time I AGONIZED over whether to send the original much longer and much more confused letter. Then I had an epiphany that I needed to communicate the content of the letter with my actions, and that's what I've been working on, but... I'm not sure he would intuit any of this.
I feel like I am primed to deliver this message, or little bitlets of it one chunk at a time, when I feel like the moment is right. But I would like to do it in person, after he's brought up the subject. Right now he doesn't seem to be even returning my phone calls, so ... how to.. do... that??? Help???
I am not sure who to practice flirting on... maybe... everyone?? It could just be my new constant state of being mode???
Come to think of it, when we had our first meeting, Dinner In June, I did jokingly pretend to caress my breasts... perhaps this set the tone of the evening more than I realized ("how do you feel about cheesecake?")?
thanks for reminding me about the contact lenses thing and how he was worried about my eyeballs. That is a really good example of him taking care of me...
Last question... I mean, never say never, anything is possible...
