Regarding your situation – I think I understand a little bit of how you H is feeling. I think one difference that men and women have is in how they definite success. Men tend to definite and base their self-worth on what they do and accomplish. Most of all, men enjoy being a knight in shining amour – to rescue and fix things. I don’t think you H is in love with his girl friend as much as he is in love with the idea of having someone to fix. Sooner or later, however, your H is going to get tired of fixing and rescuing his girl friend. While it feels great at first to fix someone up, overtime it begins to drain a person out.
You mentioned that your H would complain about how much he didn’t earn or that he didn’t accomplish this or not. The crazy thing about men is that they have a false illusion that their identity if tied to what they accomplish or have. Paradoxically, the more they have, the more often they lose that since of identity and self-worth. However, because some men feel that they have never done anything with their life, it is hard for them to come to the realization that those things don’t really bring happiness. In my situation, the more I accomplish, the more I began to realize that those things didn’t matter. While they did bring temporary happiness, those things cannot sustain happiness.
Like I said earlier, I really believe that the purpose of life is to love and be loved – to know and be known. Ultimately, when people are not living that purpose – they slowly begin to become miserable. They start to distract or numb themselves with TV, fixing up a girl friend, trying to accomplish things, etc.
However, I would like to address the “know and be known” aspect of love. I honestly think that we all want people to know us on an emotional and deep level and that we also want to know someone at that same level. However, before we can be in a position where we can experience the notion of being known and allowing someone to know us – we first have to know ourselves.
Although it might not seem logical, the more time your H has to think on his own, the better are his chances of coming to the realization of what life is all about. In my situation, it took a long time, but eventually I got to the place where I really started to think about life and the type of person I wanted to be. Unfortunately, it is only in the place of solitude that we come to that realization – at least that was the case for me.
In my case, I didn’t have anybody to tell me what life’s purpose was all about – but I came to that realization on my own. So while it would be great if your H had someone to really tell him what he is missing out on in life, there is hope that he will come to that realization on his own. Over time, unless a person is living a life where he is love and loving, he will begin to experience some type of pain in his life – which is a good thing. That pain will either cause him to pursue purpose or to numb himself as he is doing now with trying to fix his girl friend and focus on his work.
However, it is also a good thing that he said that his feelings were one of his top priorities. All of life is driven by emotions – and if a person gets emotional enough – that alone can motivate a person to change and come to his senses. I really do hope your H changes.
But if I could change, I think there is hope for anybody
Last edited by lovenomatterwhat; 09/10/0803:13 AM.
