Dotto we used to talk on newcomers, I posted under Lynn my middle name. I believe your H is a lawyer also.
Anyway so much happened this past year that I can't really type it all.
I can tell you that my husband kept saying he wanted a D but never filed. He said I sucked all of the love out of him like a vacuum and it was to late. He said very mean and hurtful things. He acted like a true Alien. He ignored my anniversary, and barely made an effort on my birthday and mothers day.
But every holiday he came here and spent it with us and ate my cooking and no matter how hard it hurt I let him go.
We went to couples therapy and I felt like he wasn't working so I said we should stop.
I sat him down and said I was ready to move forward one way or the other by this September for the sake of the kids. That he needed to make a move in one diretion or the other.
I dated and although he knew it it wasn't until I slept "out" one night that I saw a BIG change in him.
I went back to my career and I am more happy and confident.
I stuck by him when his mother was sick for 2 months and died this past May.
I never forgot how much I love this man and what we had.
But I am FAR from in the clear.
He is not home yet. He didn't call us until tuesday night when he came to see the kids since we were together this whole weekend. He told me he had to talk to Miles (our therapist) and sort things out before commiting to our vacation. I simply asked him if he wanted the kids on Saturday or Sunday so I could make plans.
I cannot chase him. I cannot expect him to go out with me and then be disappointed. I can only live my life one day at a time and try to be honest and open in my communications.
I told him last night after the kids went to bed and he stayed with me to watch TV (big change) that it was nice to be intimate and I was fine with him leaving but when two people are intimate you would expect some sort of connections after they part...a call.....
I said this isn't about it being a husband and wife thing this is about the behavoir that I would expect from someone or anyone would expect after making love 5 times in one weekend.
And then a big thing happened. He didn't say I made a mistake going away with me.. He didn't get defensive. He said Your Right. Im Sorry. And I said I don't mean to put salt in the wound it's OK. And he asked me for a hug. (He doesn't initiate affection, I do). I told him to have a good session with Miles and call me about the trip but that it sounded as if he might not be able to go. ( He also has a conflict cuz his secretary is taking vacation that week) It is 4pm and no call....
So guess what? I am going to book my trip with my kids to club med and celebrate my one year anniversary because I worked really, really, hard on this year and if he comes home or doesn't has nothing to do with my celebration because I am truly celebrating myself.
I look forward in helping you all in any way that I can.......
