((maninmotion)), I know we sound hard hearted at times, but we don't mean to appear not to have feelings for those who are hurting. I can't begin to understand you past and how horrible things you went through. If you are a Christian then I would suggest that you get spiritual counseling from your Pastor or a Christian counselor......not so much about the M, but just for you and all the things that seem to have caught up with you. As you said, you are worn out. I can identify with that part. Just to get up and try to put in one more day of work seems to be the goal. After coming home.....nothing is left.....everything is drained. You do not feel equiped to help the children, much less try to raise them. But, what can you do? I worry about your wife having them every other week. You know her best, of course. But, how will this affect the children? Will they be able to adjust to living in one house one week and another the next? I know several couples are doing that these days and calling it "co-parenting", but I just don't see how the kids could ever feel that they had a solid home. But, that is just my idea about it.
You felt like we were beating you up, but that is not our goal at all. We may talk plain but that is b/c often times we get one shot before a person like yourself may leave the board and never come back again. Therefore, we may lay it on the line like we see it and I know it may be a shock and hurt. We aren't trying to "hurt" you b/c you've been hurt enough.
I don't know if you have the strength to do as Puppy suggested. Only you know that. If you separate and then by some miracle can start with a beginner's mind like Michelle talks about.....who knows.....maybe. I'm just afraid that your wife has too many serious issues of her own. I sincerely hope that she will seek help for herself, but you can't make her do that. You can't make her do anything and you can't make her happy. Also, if you try to work everything (including the kids) around her lifestyle and to keep her satisfied......you will have no life at all. You are deciving yourself. She will still be in control and she will constantly be calling you and changing up the times and dates of when she wants the kids over at her place....on and on it goes.
Anyway, even though you feel that you have not gotten off to a very good start, I hope you will not give up coming to the board. People here do care very much. We all have different personalities......not too many like Puppy and myself (which you will be glad to hear). You can draw strength here at this place if you will just continue to come read other people's threads and keep posting.
I hope and pray that you can find peace and that energy will be restored to your body.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
