The Door That Never Closes!

[Treese]

H just left...doesn't even say goodbye anymore....of course I stayed upstairs....I'm sobbing again right now....I need to let it out....

My H knows me better than anyone....we have been through so much together and he still walks around like I've given him a new life and he's looking good and happy and looks like life is agreeing with him....

It just hurts so terribly bad....I can't explain the pain...truly....I hurt, my kids hurt....I'm struggling to get out of bed....I want to run away....I want someone to wake me from the nightmare....I want H to hug me and say I'm sorry, I miss you....but I know in my heart I will never hear it....I'm holding on to a string....I tried to tie a knot in it and hand on but I don't think I can....but I can't make that call to file...I can't cross the line....why? it's what he wants...and if I'm the bad guy so be it.....

He already tells everyone it's mutual....that you gotta do what ya gotta do.....like to shove that up his a**...does he really know what he is doing...am I pretending to think he will ever regret his decision. He's not coming home and I need to realize that....

Life is full of lessons I know....I'm sorry for everything I may have done wrong in my life but how long do I pay for it....I take my 50%...and I do pray....I just want God to speak to me...to tell me I'll be fine....I'll be happy again some day...I don't want to be alone....