May I hijack this following note onto my own thread?
poet
"Yes, it's very difficult to have them come around while they are doing what they are doing and you know what? He, in his frame of mind at this time, really doesn't care what people think. However, if and ever wakes up, he will care. Right now, it's all about him and what makes him feel better. The new friends don't have the history that you do with him."
Treese, So sorry to hear about all this stuff you are going through! What an enormous mess!!
I know nothing about the legal side of this stuff, but I was wondering if you could file for legal separation (as snodderly mentioned) and get the financial protection you need without going to a full-blown filing for D, assuming you don't want to take that step. I would encourage you to consult with your lawyer about this ASAP, and don't forget to take someone with you who you trust, to help you write down and remember everything, because I imagine it will be hard to keep it all straight due to the extreme stress. I know there are other people/resources much more knowledgeable than I about legal stuff; please protect yourself and your children financially.
Hang in there!
Blessings and peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I was reading Cinders thread and she is feeling down also....it does get to the point where you want to hate them...but yes I know that's what they want....I have never told my H I hate him but have hated what he's done....that was a very long time ago though....I have not called him, emailed him....nothing....unless it is an important issue with the kids which isn't very often....
H kept our son Friday night and drove us all to his games on Saturday....it was a nice day....I really didn't talk to H much as he is one of the coaches....got home about 7ish...I knew H wasn't going to stay...you can feel the tension....but one thing that is going on right now, hurts.....well, there are many things that hurt but this is about our children....I noticed when we got home, my H was checking his engine and my son was right by his side....usually son comes in right away to change and eat....He actually stayed right by my H's car....this tears your heart out...my son misses his dad..... Son eventually came in when I made him dinner and H came in to say goodbye....
today....I will clean the house....I have a pounding headache..
I plan on calling the attorney tomorrow to see what I can find out....I don't want to divorce just protect what I've worked for so she doesn't get it....yes, if this child is his then he needs to step up to the plate and support him....I know though that when those results come back..I will be going through all these emotions all over again....the bombs are never ending....
As I sat on my front porch the other day....I wondered...what Happened to my wonderful world....my life....and how am I going to do this on my own.....well....I've been doing it for several months now and I'm still moving...still alive....still get out of bed (although its very difficult)...still go to work....and still take excellent care of my children....I love my kids more than anything....they are my world....I will do whatever it takes to take care of THEM.....God gave them to me for a reason...to take care of them..love them, nuture them....and teach them right from wrong....I'm doing all that....that's all I can do.....
((((hugs)))
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, You are doing exactly what God wants you to do, i.e., take care of, nourish and love your children. They are gifts from heaven and should be treated w/love and compassion.
All of your children miss their father, but a son will most of all because of the male bonding issues. I do hope that your h realized last night that your son was right there beside him trying to understand why he was checking out the car. Your h has so much to be thankful for...you, the children, home, his job and health. He doesn't realize the wealth he has and won't for a long time.
You may not even realize it, but you are doing very well. You are getting stronger each and every day. Yes, the bombs will come raining down on you again when the results come back, but you'll be just a bit stronger by that time. I'm praying that your h will do the right things and then focus on himself so that he can figure out himself and where he wants to be in life.
Please take care of yourself. It's hard, but you are doing well, in spite of it all. Can you plan to do something special with the children today?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My heart is with you. I cannot add anything to Snodderly's last post, but you are a godsend to me.
poet
Poet....you brought tears to my eyes....I don't think I've ever been told that...thank you....I hope some day I can help others here as everyone has helped me...just being able to vent here takes a ton of bricks off my shoulders...instead of lashing out at H I usually come here...I do have my days but they are less and less....God Bless You!!
Snodderly....don't think my H even realized our son was right there...he just went about his thing and didn't say anything to son....broke my heart....he can't think of anyone but himself right now....we are just in the way....although H has been working so much lately I dont think he's had much time with OW...oh darn.. but really don't focus on her anymore...if that is what he chooses he's crazy.....I'm much better all the way around....he knows who took care of him and his family...he just doesn't want to admit it....and probably never will....his mom is so mad at her 3 children....they all have issues right now...she is 72...I don't know how she does it....I worry about her sometimes....after all she has been a part of my life for 30 years.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Well H is here and running my emotions.....I feel sick to my stomach and I just need to let it go but I can't...WHY? I don't get it....why won't he file? Money? He has it good the way it is? WHAT? I need advice again...sorry everyone I am sooooo down...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
So many unanswered questions Treese, that is probably the hardest to let go of. I don't know if we'll ever find our answers, and finally today, they really don't matter so much to me anymore. Unfortunately none of it makes any sense, but it is what it is...
I wish there was something I could say or do to wash away your pain. Pain that I understand so well. There is nothing. Telling you it will get better is a lie. If it does, it's so damb slow you'll not notice for a long time. But I hope that it helps to know that there are so many here for you. To listen, to talk, to understand. We care about you and we hurt with you.
Be strong girl! You can do this...
LUV, TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
I'm guessing because it is easier not to. It would take work to file, and money. So, since he doesn't have any pressing need to not be married, he is just letting it go. He might even be trying to back you into a corner so that you'll file. Then you can be the "bad guy".
Try to detach your emotions from him, Treese. I know it is hard, but he doesn't care about your emotions, he isn't interested in protecting them. You need to take care of them without him. In a way, the same as you are taking care of the kds without him. I know it isn't what you want to do in the long run, and you won't have to. But for now, you need to do it!
He might not want to file. He is afraid of losing everything, including you, and he should be.
Right now, concentrate on you, do lots of praying and ask God to guide you in words and actions.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
What an enormous mess!! 
but really don't focus on her anymore...if that is what he chooses he's crazy.....I'm much better all the way around....he knows who took care of him and his family...he just doesn't want to admit it....and probably never will....his mom is so mad at her 3 children....they all have issues right now...she is 72...I don't know how she does it....I worry about her sometimes....after all she has been a part of my life for 30 years.....