I think the key to maintaining a balance is to always have a vacation scheduled so that I always have something to look forward to.
In my case,the first part of surviving the big D was financially stabilizing myself to support myself and a family. It has taken 5 years to get here. I finally am starting to feel like I can relax in that department.
The second part was starting a family. Adoption is an unpredictable process with ever changing laws. However I feel like I am finally on track. At least everything that is in my control is moving forward.
The third part was letting my M/The X go completely before I even considered a new R. I am not sure if that is forgiveness, apathy or a lack of anger. I feel that I have finally reached that point. The night before my trip, I realized that my C card (scuba certificatation) was missing. It is possible that The X took it accidentally - or perhaps he took it in anger. But for the first time - something The X might have done intentionally no longer mattered. If worst case, The X did take my card intentionally - well people are not always on their best behavior when an R is crumbling. It just doesn't matter anymore.
All that mattered was that The C-card was missing and well I took my scuba stuff in hopes that the resort could contact PADI to confirm my certification. To me that is a measurable milestone that I am done with X-related anger.
I have my life back. It isn't the life I would have had with The X - and really have no idea if it is better or worse compared to had my M worked b/c I have no idea how my life would have been had it worked out. It is however the life that I am happy living today.
The fourth part is getting over this block I seem to have developed with respect to R's with single men. This is going to take some more work. The Resort was a start. It was a good place for me b/c the men for the most part respected boundaries. Those that didn't - well I am better at moving away from them and there were external safeguards if they did not honor my boundaries. And those that did look for feedback and respect my boundaries sensed I was not ready for more that a kiss on the cheek. They were content with conversation. I did not feel the pressure to do more. These gentlemen made me realize that there are great men out there and that there are men out there that are willing to respect my pace - they just have not been present in my very limited socializing.
I do need to make sure that I don't end up back in my convent habitat with the door blocked again. I also need to make sure I socialize in circles where I am likely to bump into decent gentlemen. And the type of men that I am typically attracted to.
The Resort caters to athletics and burned professionals. The woman I met at The Resort sent me a link to the singles cruise. It has the label of "athletic." It does stop at three islands with scuba diving. I would like to see if it is possible to go diving when the ship docks at these locations.
The other vacation I would like to book later this year is a trip to India. My father is getting older and he has always wanted to go to Petra. I think I will fly him there and we can do the ruins and then fly to India and tour parts of India.
An unexpected part of surviving my own D was surviving my parent's D. Had I never gotten D myself, it is possible that I would have never faced these issues head-on. I have a sense of peace with that now. I also have a new R with my father now - one that is no longer contaminated by my mother's opinions and issues with my father. I feel like I have always taken him for granted. Ater my parent's D, he was at a distance - but always there. I now appreciate what a gift he gave me.
I have spent 5 years working through my issues and on myself. At this point, I am switching to implementation.
My choices with surviving my D are based on my own life experiences and work for me. They of course do may not appy to or work for those with different life experiences.
In any case, life is good! I am still basking in my post-vacation glow!
