This site has a specific purpose. We are here to save marriages using Michele's techniques and to support those whose marriages have failed,using solution oriented techniques to rebuild their lives.
We admit we have that bias. There are other boards that have different focus. _________________________
Are you implying we should help someone divorbust thier marriage even if they are in an abusive relationship?
Ok....so smacking the person around didn't work....try something different.
shoot them.
You have to have an audience. Their initial posts will give you a clue as to what they will hear. Maybe they will have to leave. Most likely they aren't going to leave initially. You want them to be safe. What they usually WON'T hear is all this stuff about abuse.
What they MAY hear, is how to do SOMETHING DIFFERENT. So you find out what their patterns of interaction are, and look for a teachable moment.
Jeanette...that implies more LISTENING to them than shouting at them to get out. Not that I always do that well....but it works better than lecturing.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
if the problem keeps happening SG, try something different and address him on his behavior for how the majority of the board was treated - perhaps that might work...
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
SG, I am wondering if the reason why the topic of abuse has come up front and center is if emotional abuse isn't occurring here by a certain possibly unbalanced individual?
Many people who have tried to escape an abusive situation are ignored until it becomes overwhelming or something horrible happens, only for other people to later say "I never thought this could happen".
It is apparent that most of the people who are the most upset have either been abused in the past or they are witnesses to abuse.
I have had to detach from the situation so I do not get too upset or defensive regarding the obvious abusive personality that we have all witnessed. The challenge I have in avoiding this has come to the point where it is becoming a topic across many threads. And I dont believe it is realistic to ask others to avoid talking about it. It is like saying to ignore the elephant in the room. You can try but it is too big to ignore.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
if that was directed to me sg then yup...i did talk about myself. I also worked as a speaker for violence awareness organizations
i used what happened to me to give examples on things you might need to do. People listen to stories better when they are about specific people they can see and hear rather than statistics on a page
which is why most domestic violence workers have been victims of abuse or have witnessed abuse
to allow someone to continue to continue to speak about how they abuse their spouse and how it is correct to do so is disgusting
so
Phil can give a voice to an abuser why he spits at his why why he continues to follow her why he feels the need to disregard her feelings and place his hands on her why he demands hugs
i can give voice to someone who is experiencing abuse at the hands of a spouse or loved one
the someone who feels terribly small and came here looking for advice only to watch someone spew hatred and abuse as justified
i am not afraid of phil i am not afraid of you ban me or whatever you need me to do but i lived in silence for too long to allow someone else to beat someone into submission in front of me
you have to address this issue what i went through helped shape who i am
