san...hello, I've never commented to you before but I just read through this thread.
I agree with Puppy. You can be hopeful, and you can feel happy that your H is coming around, and you can put your faith into God and into your H...but at the same time, your H must be looked at literally like a drug addict. He cannot control his actions at this time and he will lie to you, just like an addict. Would you give an addict, even if it were your closest friend or relative, your wallet and expect them not to spend your money on drugs? You really have to think of your heart that way, too. Do NOT place your heart on the line by believing your H's words.
That doesn't mean you have to accuse him of lying and it doesn't mean you should not have faith that this can recover.
What it means is that until he has proven to you, beyond any doubt, that he is done with OW and is being transparent to you....UNTIL THAT HAPPENS, then you don't just blindly believe the words that are coming out of his mouth.
Instead, you should just view him as if he does not have the ability to tell the truth right now, even if he wants to. He HIMSELF does not actually know his own truth right now, and that is a large part of why wayward spouses are so conflicted, confusing and foggged out.
Tell yourself that he has torrets syndrome, and that you can't believe the words coming out of his mouth, whether they are words you want to hear or words you fear hearing...both ways, it is just the torrets talking, for now.
