marisol- I hope you survived yesterday . I know how hard it must've been. Maybe some tips on how you made it through, cuz my 16th anniversary is Oct. 17.
hope3343- Thanks for the reply. Yes, it's all about the attitude, but sometimes my attitude can get a little sarcastic. lol. My H is a drinker too. A big drinker, especially lately. "drinking himself to oblivion" as he describes it , since this has all come crashing down. Do you think H could be alcoholic? Im certain mine is- and he's even recently admitted it, describing himself as a "functional alcoholic". I can't help but wonder how much of a part their ridiculous behavior is due to alcohol. And Im concerned of the influence it has on my kids.I dont have to tell them daddy drinks too much- they can see it for themselves- they know. D11 tells daddy straight up to stop drinking so many beers, and S14 finds it funny to see daddy and friends drinking at little league fields , some of who are obviously drunk and acting stupid. My T recommended I attend Al Anon meeting in my area which I did go to one. Not for kids though. 1st mtg was little awkward, but they say you should attend at least 6 mtgs to decide. If only my H would seek help. Oh yeah, walking the beaches? No beach access in MO. Im jealous!
T2l-Im so sad to hear how this has affected your S9. Our H have no clue the pain this is causing them. They seem to think they'll adjust, NO PROBLEM!! Kids have been to H house a couple of different weekends. Each time, OW and her kids were there. S14 wants to bring his friend when going to dads house because his point is, "If dad wants to spend time with us why does he have OW there? So I might as well bring my friend". Good point. Couldnt argue that one. S14 gets so upset seeing how dad and OW act around each other. They cant have their dad to themselves, nor can they have their own space or belongings with her kids there. Lately H wants to stay at our house instead of his house with kids while Im working because S14 acts like "jerk" to OW. I have not said anything bad to my kids about OW or H and I asked them when OW is around to try to act respectively around her(a tall order since I have no respect for her). But I accept and respect their feelings. They have a right to however they feel. They didnt ask for this. Theyre the innocent victims.S11 is the "comforter" when I feel sad - hasnt shown anger yet- worry about him holding it in. D11 has extreme mood swings, shows much anger especially toward me. She has even kicked the wall and left dent. Very hard to deal with your own emotions and have to support kids emotions.Ive spoken with all school guidance counselors. Elementary school has support group for kids of D. Im also trying to ease them in to visits with me to my T. Starting to go to church (something H does not value as much as I do). Keeping God in the middle of it all,and praying for daddy every night.
Starshyne- Alton, IL huh?. We're probably a little over an hour apart!
twinhope- WOW! H has nerve! My H has also been out places with kids and OW and her kids. When I asked why, he said S11 invited OW son (theyve played ball together for about 5 years now), but he told S11 no, yet OW still showed up at where they were anyway. Yeah, right. Whatever. I cant even imagine how horrible that must have felt for you to witness your H and OW actions and words of "love" for each other. How blatently disrespectful to you! It is hard enough for me to go to S11 ball game and OW is there. H is coach of team. They do not acknowledge each other in front of me , nor do neither of them acknowledge me. Well, my H acknowledges me very little. She looks no where near my direction, and we WERE friends. They cant be hiding their affair from the rest of the team parents because everyone knows, but I know eventually I will have to endure the pain of actually visualizing what Ive been imagining between them. Mixed messages from H? Hugs one day, and snubs the next? My H has on 4 different occasions initiated long hugs with me, a quick kiss on top of my head, and with one of those hugs I even saw tears in his eyes. On another occasion he phoned me out of the blue to see if Id like to watch some of S11 ballgame before I went in to work. S11 was surprised to see me there, so I dont think he asked dad to invite me. He did ask for D on 7/4. He wants it to be civil- no nasty litigationss- which I agree if D has to happen. Talked about mediation, but asked me to get names from my T. At first I thought , "well if you want this why dont YOU do the work?", but my T says it is probably better I am in control of who we see so I can be sure to have someone whom I think will be fair. Nothing more was said about D until couple weeks ago, got email from H saying did I have names because we need to start planning. Left names of mediators here at our house along with some of his other personal belongings the last time he stayed here with kids. He took everything except the names! OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!!!!! Its so confusing. Are these those little "signs" they refer to in DB? But I always seem to be disappointed. He's done and said so many cruel things, so out of character for him. Yet, if I dont focus on positives and have a little hope, Ill never get through this. Our H are just as confused as we are I think.
Trying to GAL. I think kickboxing classes would be PERFECT! and Im starting classes next week. T
